I set up the page for this post about a week ago. This I remembered when I clicked and found last week's video of his Astrology for the Soul/Pele Report. I related so much to what he was saying toward the end, that I felt compelled to share the video. Because... I had set an Intention at the end of 2016 to go about doing what needed to be done to free myself up of some past financial obligations that I prefer not to take with me into the renewed life I am creating. This was not some calculated thought, rather a feeling that I was about to be moving through a space where I was to clear and cleanse further. Specifically things like- the student loan that had been hanging over me for the past 25 years and tax issues that needed resolve. There are other simple yet complicated energies of this nature (finances, insurance, etc.) that beckon attention. My Future Self is messaging me. I got the text! And when I saw Kaypacha's video last week, I thought, "Holy crap! That's exactly what I've been doing!" Apparently there are some pretty powerful astrological energies going on these days.
There are sometimes great strides, like last month when I was whippin' right along at the accountant's office, getting it all done and feeling awesome. There have been synchronicities like yesterday morning when my acupuncturist called to reschedule because she was sick, and I wound up feeling inspired to go out and do several things that were still needed to complete some tax biz. Feeling awesome there, too, I was. Until I stopped at the post office to pick up the mail. There was a letter from my state that said my tax refund was being held until I jumped through several more hoops to prove that my child is my child and lives with me.
So then, as is always with a great expansion, is stillness. The thing that I notice for me is that my expansions are fast and powerful which means the integration or rest cycle happens just as fast and just as deep. It can definitely feel like what is called 'depression' because just as we are on a big roll, catching up speed, gaining that momentum, the universe/energies say, "Ok, big expansion. Now Stop. Breathe. Integrate. Revaluate."
Today, I woke up feeling like I was in an energetic straight jacket. The first thought I had was, "Fuuuuuck!" I wanted to "do more stuff", try to "make more things happen". I want to check things off of my list! I want to get to the future!
I kept checking in with my masters hoping for the response that I thought I wanted, and the response was the same, "Stay home." This is not always coming easily to me. I am also part of a society in which one worth is measured by how much or what one "does". A large part of me knows much better than this obviously "flawed premise", (Abraham) but that does not mean that I don't succumb.
So, I gave up. I didn't 'give up' like I'm never going to try again, but I know that I can't push the river. I can't make the corn grow. But, I can keep coming back to the present, what I am experiencing as the 'Present'. I can flow with the Stillness that asks me to step inside. I can understand that it is good and just to simply Pause. My kid kind of brought this all back around to me this afternoon, "You're too focused on 'out there' and 'getting things done'. Disengage from this world for a little bit and chill out."
Now, can you believe that I was so twirled up in the tornado of pressure in my center that I was going to sweep these words under the rug. Until some moments later I was sitting here at my desk, wondering still what else I could do to push forward, the words my kid had just spoken rested on my thymus area. The intention of the words felt like it was slowly melting into my chest through my skin, like some medicine salve or balm. I felt still. And then I started writing this post. XOXO
Sometimes you just have to Sit.