27 January 2018

the Devouring Mother, and letting go of earthly relationship associations {part one}

you get the idea
We become the devouring mother, when we give in to our own fears about life. When we project them onto our offspring and cover our story with, "it's for your own good", or "I'm just trying to protect you." 

Consumptive. Soul Crushing. The devourer of the seed. Susun told me about the devouring mother back then. I'm not sure if I had even become a mother myself at that time. I do know that I was being told a piece of information that I would need to imbibe for later use, because I had an inexplainable chill run the length of my body. "Do not become a devouring mother" is what I told myself. I have recalled this mantra whenever I realize that I am being a "smother". My son, in his fresh-mouthed-bad-assness is very comfortable with reminding me- 'you need to fall back. I can handle my own business now.' And even though I worry- I can't put that in his direction. I have to proceed at this point exactly as I do for myself- with faith and complete trust. I put the time and attention in, like a thousand fold, when he was growing up- all the way until now, 16. A Man's got to be a man. A Woman has to be a woman for all that matter (If I had a daughter, that's what I would say.)
     What makes me think of this? Well, it's sort of tied into a situation about which I felt so compassionate, I wanted to offer my help. I really should have learned by now that I am to no longer "offer" this service to anyone. The person has to be inspired and sparked with the desire for transformation on such a deep level that the only thing that there is to do is to surrender to it. I mean, the clients that I attract are the ones who have such deep issues affecting their soul record, I would've been freaking out if they were my first ever client. Now, these are the cases that I crave. They're "meaty", more interesting. I am challenged multidimensionally, and I learn more.
       There are obstacles that I have to overcome, which are insurmountable, when I am offering a soul clearing to someone who is the adult "child" of someone, and I have offered and conducted the work via communication with the mother. It doesn't work if the mother's own story of personal tragedy and self-neglect are firmly rooted in and dependent upon the problems of the offspring. What would happen, then if suddenly the child were cured, completely, in a wave of the wand (it can seem like this, especially when one has been cleared of long standing soul shifting and other similar issues)? Who do we blame, then for all of our own self-created misery if the scapegoat is suddenly... Well, cured....?
       I'm not into Katie Byron's work, specifically, but her one line, "Who would you be without your story?" I've been asking myself that question lately, specifically in relation to career and finances and being a single parent. Letting all that go- it's a practice, a self-loving discipline.
1/25  I am watching and listening to Pam Gregory's January 2018 New Moon report. She touches on a lot of these themes: freedom, who are you at soul level, when all else is gone... and more. Check it out. It may be "last week", but still relevant, thank you.
Also, I adore this Mooji meditation. Remain as You Are I've shared it on my Facebook page that goes with this blog, and it's on my Meditations playlist on You Tube. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL947DD96B0C9AE71A I really connect when he says that [paraphrasing]: "truly you have no children, or parents..." A wonderful meditation for remembering your true nature, sovereign and free. It's my go to sometimes when I blow into my apartment after a day of taking care of bizness, 
and I need to recenter and connect with my higher Truth. Plus, I like Mooji's voice. :)

(be back soon on this topic...)

XoXo- Ursula Carrie

25 January 2018

What a Great Show: "Kevin >probably Saves the World"

I can totally relate! I bet you can too. If you're reading this blog post you're probably just like Kevin, like me... knowingly on this mysterious mission, that you don't have all the information for, that you aren't even sure what the outcome will be, or even if it's all real and happening to you, but you are following the synchronicities because the way that they line up and stack up makes it just confoundedly undeniable: "something's" happening here. Ah, the journey of the modern Lightworker, or of anyone else who has felt that they are answering a higher calling. I don't know where the writers are going to go. It's only in it's first year. For now, I'm so digging it! I definitely want more. Check it out if you can. Sweet stuff.
Here's the trailer from last fall:
and more from a you tubber: 

23 January 2018

"Yeah, well. Ya' Have to Learn to Adapt..."

One of those things that the ex-husband said that just pissed me off so much when he said it. I said, "How can you say that!? We have to stop it!" Now, I'm going, "Damn. He's right." That's all there is to it. Whether he gave a damn or not, in reality as it was, he was just being practical.
       That was nineteen years ago and some. I was crying and complaining about the change in winters, the snow reduction I noticed, the warmer temperatures for longer in the season. Oh brother, I was in love with snow, then! Or maybe I was just like most humans and just digging my heels in and resisting change. The planet is evolving Herself. If we want to be part of the ride, it's not about trying to stop the wheels. It's pretty much finding a place where you won't get hurt, or do any harm to others, and ride along. Help where you can. Get in alignment with your own higher values. Let others do themselves. Again, help others as and however you can to the highest and best use of your own unique gifts. 
       But, this is it. Global warming is happening. It doesn't mean that we need to, as the human disruptors in this natural cycle of progression, keep going along and fucking it all to hell in the same vein. No, I don't mean, "Let's fuck up in a whole new more creative way.", either! Knowledge is power. We know what's happened, we know how to proceed with damage control. Sounds too simple? Well, it only can and will happen, the righting of the earth's evolutionary course, with humans aboard, when the individual simply attends to the right living within their own reality. A million individuals taking care of their own shit can change collective reality in this place. 
       Check this out. I wanted to show you, if you want to know how powerful it is to surrender- and adapt- look at what the birds have done with our bullshit. My son and I found this nest on the ground, at the graveyard, this past Halloween 2017. 'Way past nesting season, so we took it home. This nest that has been built, incorporating *pollyfill* into their materials... Yes, pollyfill- the 'stuff' used to stuff some pillows, stuffed animals, cheap furniture and crap. 
Now, THAT is adaptation! So, do you think that the birds complained about it? 
Big Love,
Ursula Carrie

I always say, if you don't know which way to go, or how to live well on this planet- look to the animals. They'll show you the way.

19 January 2018

Jus' Keepin' the Head Down, and Focus [+ Lee Harris' January 2018 energy report]

1/18/18 Well, I've had a wild, blazing good start on my overall goal and focus for this year: My Body. Oh, yes, that Gal! My partner on this journey.
       Last year, 2017, it seemed that all of my desire and goals had to do with expansion, travel and doing away with certain financial woes of the past. I happily received the physical manifestations from Creator energy, all throughout that year.
       This time, even thought I wanted to continue on that trajectory, I realized that this was all in my mind-body. My instincts told me that rehoming my expanded consciousness into this, my very own, physical body would be where I am at this year.
       I had spent the past 7-10 years in a monastic life, even though I lived and worked in the world. I mean, I'm a single mom- I'm out living and working in this world. However, for my very personal life, when I was free of the job, caretaking duties, etc. I spent all of my time alone, in prayer/meditation/contemplation/study. I didn't feel much association with my body, even though I have always taken such good care of Her ever since I was a little girl. No one, specifically or intentionally taught me how to care for the body, I just always somehow always Knew. I knew how to care for myself, and I knew that it was important. I would say, "Don't ask me how." But, we already know "how".
       So, now at 45, my left hip had already been hurting enough that I couldn't lie on that side at night. That had been going on for a couple of years, on and off already. Hmmm... There is also the issue I'd had of become mysteriously crippled in my joints when I get too stressed. That has gone unresolved for the past 20 years. Losing weight also made it obvious that some strength training is also in order... The hip is currently feeling kind of groovy, thanks to Billy Blanks! I'm excited! 
       Since the year began 18 days ago, I've been to my GYN, GP, had blood drawn, been working the weight training into everyday activities- and felt the Presence, in a never before perceived tangible way. It's pretty wild.
       Like when I was at the GYN the other week, my blood pressure was of the charts- for me that is. I'm usually rockin' a peaceful 110/70. Know what I'm saying? That day it was 132/88, and at the recheck it was 198/something equally absurd! So, the next day, Friday, after I left my little j.o.b., I was headed to my bank in the next town over to cash the check, and I had this feeling: pull in and make the appointment in person. [at the GP] So, here I go, "negotiating" with myself... 
       "Well, it's on the opposite side of the road... I have to cut the traffic to turn in... I can just go on the way back... do everything in one stream... [I like to do 'loops' when I go on errands]."
       The answer- "Go!"  I could actually feel a *very-present* Presence around the car and inside on the left with me. I let out an exhausted, "f-uuuuuuuuu-ckk" I slow down, then and put my left blinker on. I have to pump the lever to make blinker 'blink' until the bulb gets replaced on Monday, which is one of my excuses for not wanting to make a left hand turn! [That's OK, I own my Ridiculousness and together we have a good time!]
OK, so, fuck it I say. I'm here, I'm going in. It was 1:50pm.
I'll save you and give the short version. The receptionist says, "So.... how flexible are you, anyway?" I'm like, "Whatchu mean?" 
       She says, "Well, it actually never happens, so please don't think we always have this available..." I'm looking at her like, 'yeah, go ahead' I totally know what she's about to say. I'm sure the naughty-cat grin that's spread all over my mug is confusing her. 
       "We actually have a 2:15..."
       "Done!" I interrupted.
       I'm smiling as I go out to get my wallet from the car. Yup. Got it. 
They have a new physician at the practice where I've been going for a decade or so. I had it on my list to search for a new healthcare point person. I have always felt like the doctor that I was consulting with was not really listening to me, nor was the other doctor at the office. But this new one, I can see it in her eyes- she cares! I don't envy her to be so caring in her profession. It's got to be rough. But I got a bloodwork order to check for iron poor blood, etc- and a referral to a specialist that I'd been praying for. It's just the beginning. But: 'double-you-oh-double-you' [wow] 
       So, I'm leaving that impromptu session- at which I found out that my insurance does cover yearly physicals! Now why was I told so adamantly by the previous staff that it didn't...? Oh, yes, I'll be following up on that bit of misinformation when I go to the appointment in a couple of weeks.
       The next thing? The blood lab... 
"Oh, please let them close at 3:30..." My mantra all the way there. The other lab across town closes at 3, I know. I'm fired up to get this done. I say out loud, "I'll just drive over there, ok?" Of course, they closed at 3:30! But the phlebotomist hurt me- hurt for 2 hours after. But those labs will be in when I go back to the Dr!
So, Happy New Year, again!

Also, in my commitment to my Sacred Vessel- I sucked it up and ordered 4# of Infusion Herbs. I got such a lovely sentiment in the mail from my teacher, that she misses me, the day after I put out my order. There's a lot of Wind in my Bones! Some Comfrey leaf infusion will ground me and get me all Juiced up! Red Clover and Red Raspberry came too and Licorice root. I haven't drank Infusion in too many years! [shhh... don't tell Susun! Lol.]
       Synchronicities in my world have started out so strong, and constant this year. I'm seriously keeping control of negative thoughts, and especially looking out to soften my situation when I'm feeling negative. Negative thoughts and feelings always make my body feel like crap- either I get a pain somewhere, or I feel like I'm suffocating. Yikes! AND, folks... the synchronicities and manifestations I notice are coming pretty fast, now. Uh, oh. ;) Lol. BUT, I am noticing that they come with much more ease, and making much more sense, if I am deliberately operating from a Joyous and Open feeling in the center of my chest. And sometimes I want to grind it out so fast, I'm slamming into a wall, a very invisible, very strong brick wall! I remember, then to *surrender*. That's pretty much the absolute best tool in my box- just give it up! Focus on something else, like some fun, maybe... 
Yeah, I went there!


Be back 
super soon! 
Love You's. 
   Thank You 
    for being Here.     

Well, enough of this post for now. Check out Lee Harris' January 2018 energy report. 
All I can remember from when I watched it was that he said- 
that the Lightworkers that had already been through their process 
were going to be coming back home to their Physical Body
especially if they hadn't had very much of a connection to it for the past 10 years!
Of course, when he said that, I almost fainted! Ha! Ha!
How the hell did he know that's exactly what I was engaging with, 
as was also my Intention for 2018, as 2017 was coming 
to a close. Of course, we all know how he knew.

17 January 2018

12 Years Ago: "Owning It"

the picture I drew for the festival  
I was so driven by this insane passion as this material was flowing through me in the Autumn of 2005. So, that makes my son just turned 4 and I am 33. I had gotten back together with my son's father, after he'd spent most of that year in an affair with this woman, with a baby of her own, who'd just moved to town. I was blazing for some empowerment. I was trying to "transcend" the occurrence, disruption, and move forward with my family. I had the experience with the Salvia divinorum in the summer we'd just had, but hadn't spoke of it yet to anyone. 
       "He" was housesitting. I was staying with him there, with our kid. I don't remember why, but I remember the desk was by the window. It overlooked the yard. I could see the streetlight next street over by the movies. I sat at that desk, when the child was asleep and wrote, and wrote. All of these workshop ideas and descriptions, a full month long calendar of events. It poured out of me like hot butter. It would have done me a bit better if I had let it percolate some, choose a different month, and wait to attract other women who were on the exact page as me. Or, at least we could've each flipped a page and met there instead- something. 
       But, something truly magical did occur, on Valentine's Day 2006. After many weeks of rehearsal, a so called "ordinary" group of women brought a powerhouse performance of The Vagina Monologues to our little town. We were real. We were raw. We were pumped. We gave it all- to a packed house, so chilly, the audience kept their coats on. But it got hot in there. And there were howls and yips, and ovations, all standing and to lumps in throats as hot tears burned every cheek. Do you know how we did that?
We sat in Circle.
       Every week, for six weeks. We passed the talking stick. We introduced ourselves. We told our Truths, why we were there. 
       What drew me here? Why do I want to do this play? I gave those answers to myself, then I put out a casting call in the local paper. I would take everyone that showed up. It worked out in the end that each woman who committed would be able to select 2 of the monologues that resonated the most with her. No two women picked the same monologue. Early on we had some conflicts with the venue that was going to host the events for the month, so we moved across town. It was cold at the new venue, but we were on fire.
       We sat in a circle, and each woman would read her part, as it would come up via the script. So, each woman's voice would come out of the circle to give voice to the Monologue that touched her own Soul. There were many tears shed and hugs shared throughout these sessions. We were building something, if only for a short while- cohesion, solidarity, safety, sisterhood. Women being loving and supportive of each other woman's unique power. We held a space for each other as we met each week to read and prepare for V-Day.
       Of course, there were some things that happened that all extremely green event planners will experience. I must say, it was a hellavan attempt to awaken the Goddess in my town. Some professional actresses tried to make a fancy go of the play for a couple of years afterwards, as a benefit. It just didn't take. The Heart wasn't there.

(I grabbed this text from my teacher's site, after I googled my name, then found this, found out about the women's march on Jan. 20th, and said, yep. Oh well...)

"February 2006 will bring a celebration of sacred art,
education, and events by women for women,
ABOUT women, in Woodstock NY
The ***** Gallery and Studio, in central Woodstock, NY, will be host to “Owning It: Our Feminine Divine.” This 28 day fĂȘte will be put together by women for women and be all about WOMEN.
This month of February, declared Women’s Month, will be rich with the diversity of the area and depth of the women creating it.
* Among the many planned events there will be Monday Moonlodges and Talking Stick circles for women, sacred and simple ceremonies, all woman made art, and a Sunday Women in Music series.
* Classes and workshops throughout the month will include women’s sexuality, spirituality and healing, dances and meditations. Some of the presenters are Sheri Winston, Susun Weed, Rev. Ursula Carrie, and Serpentessa.
* Goddess Movement Movie nights will feature The Goddess Remembered and The Burning Times.
* Another highlight of the month will be The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler, read by local women and presented on V-day, February 14th. Proceeds from this event will sponsor an evening program of empowerment for young women ages 12-17.
Rev. Ursula Carrie is events coordinator and contact person. You can reach her at rootsma@yahoo.com or PO Box 613, Woodstock, NY 12498. You can learn more about ***** Gallery and Studio at 130 Tinker St. in Woodstock, NY, by visiting XXXXX
Check out the already packed calender at the website! "

05 January 2018

Oh Mama!

{I wrote this on January 5th, even though today is the 10th. I thought I was going to go a little more on this, but I did not. It was so heartfelt when I poured all this out. I had just gotten home from a job and some family errands. My 16 year old son and I have bedrooms that are across the 3 foot hall. We usually stand in our doorways and I give him the update on all that occurred, and he tells me the same- you know the daily news reports from his world and from mine! Then we both go to our rooms! Lol. I was in such a good mood, I wrote this}
I swear! I was born for Motherhood! Seriously. I knew ever since I was a little girl that I wanted a baby. And when I got him, I was full-on dedicated to my new career. What do I need "time for myself" for when I was 29 when I had him, and um.... experiencing parenthood is time for myself, the Mom in me. I never wanted to "get away" from my son, and I was extremely careful about who took care of him when I couldn't. It is pretty true for me that we tend to parent in the opposite ways that our own parents did, as a way to counteract the elements of the upbringing that did not suit our own person. For example, I felt unsafe as a child with the adults around me, so I made damn sure to create an environment of ultimate emotional/spiritual stability for my baby. I have always stopped whatever I was doing, anytime he wanted to talk to me, to listen, deeply. I wanted him to feel, and to know without a doubt, that he was being heard

03 January 2018

Law Enforcement & Meditation: Good stuff on the News, from 12/26

[January 6, 2018 back-posting] I'm just going to say that my brain has been as frozen as the temperatures outside. It's definitely a time, here in the Catskills of New York State, to hunker down and survive the weather! 
[the picture from the web that goes with the news story]
     I had wanted to make mention of this news story. It's not necessarily a "new" story, but it's making its way around again. I say, "Hooray. Focus on the positive." I was so delighted to hear that the police force in Tempe, AZ has been advocating the practice of *meditation* with the officers, and the police personnel has found the practice to be an important aspect of their police training. Thank goodness. Police work can be stressful and dangerous. I wouldn't want to do that job! It would be so awesome to see this particular idea become a real trend amongst all law enforcement departments in our country. 
"10% Happier Road Trip: Tempe Police Chief on Meditation and Policing"
       I mean it may be obvious to some, but all violence, anger fear and such are born out of a disconnection so Source. It happens. We are born into this physical life, and the veil of forgetting slowly gets drawn somewhere around 7 years old. And the adults who raise us have long been caught up in the 3D, and we get infused with their fears, which were passed down for how many generations. The modern day resurgence of the practice of meditation is helping to get us all back in connection with Truth- we are all of one field of energy, even though we are all individuated points of light. Let's keep it going :) 
You may not believe so because of all of the seemingly negative events that get pumped out into the mass consciousness stream- but humanity is waking up. It can't happen too quickly, because most lower dimensional humans are not equipped to handle their higher awareness coming online, not without conscious preparation. Most are not prepared. 
       There have been many consciousness experiments going on in the past decades. There is some nice, solid scientific evidence for the naysayers and the tentatively curious, as to the interconnectedness of all beings.
       I got into Lynne McTaggart's consciousness work some years ago. I can't say that I've read all of the book, yet The Intention Experiment. I'm highly recommending it anyway. Her first book is called, The Field. I got a CD set/course of The Field book (Sounds True, pub.) from a discount bookseller at the yoga festival that I went to back in November. I listen to the recordings when I want to feel comforted by someone else speaking those truths that I know.
Some good stuff here. As always, to be continued...
Love, warmth and hugs. 
Ursula Carrie
PS- I haven't read this book. It goes with the piece from ABC news, but I am really liking the title. It's just been published it looks like, which is probably the reason for the recent news story. I know a lot of fidgety skeptics. Actually, it seems that everyone that I know is a fidgety skeptic! How does that happen? Lol.