The Big Rub

Last week was very strange and intense in the way lessons were being brought into my consciousness. I experienced a series of interactions in which, first I was getting "rubbed the wrong way", then I inadvertently turned around the next day and rubbed someone else the wrong way. Mis-communication can quite an upsetting experience, as I'm sure many of you know. There's a lot of elements to sort out, keeping in the awareness that everything is here to assist in our constant growth and self-realization. 

My take-away from all that is: sometimes we create some intense experiences where the "perpetrator" is actually a divine instrument of Instigation that causes us to see more clearly the places in ourselves and/or in the broad sweep of our Life some Truths about ourselves that otherwise may not have been exposed to the light. A good wounding, if it's sharp and fast, can really open one up. ALL of the perps of last week, myself included, had the best of intentions. I'm pretty sure of that. Sometimes we don't realize that we've been handed a script and we're just playing off the page.

       For me, because my personal boundaries had, throughout my life, been a bit too mercurial, too mutable, I had always found it difficult to truly stand firm for myself. Not only is that my training with the Archangel Auriel, being Hadarian, and the earthly influences of my astrology, add to this my upbringing as an Earth Female, I tended to be very accommodating, bending and shaping myself into the forms that were pleasing to others. I just wanted approval. In other words, I constantly sacrificed or deeply buried the expression of my real truth, my authentic self, so that I could harmonize with that which others believed of me, wanted from me or expected from me. I can say, by the time mid-life comes around, if you're female and menopause starts kicking your shit into gear- the dawning comes that: "Screw this!" And any little hampering or slight boundary crossing, feels monumental. Sometimes, now I feel like I'm fighting for That Woman before she fades away and Death starts to consume the remains from the inside out. I'm saying this out loud because I know I'm not the only Woman who faces this issue, especially now as the Feminine Divine is calling for all female born to connect with Her Power and Rise.  

       But this heavy contrast is necessary to continue to clarify the broth. Like, "Who Am I Really", when all of the "expectations of others" is gone, when everything that I used to love to do has left my realm of desire, when I am alone with my Higher Self. It's a question I believe that every Seeker asks of the Self at many crossroads of the physical life journey, as one grows from one form into another. Then, when the answer comes, the question becomes, "Do I have the Courage to allow that person to Be?"