09 October 2017

The End. is the Beginning of What?

begin this post: Sunday, September 10, 2017
I could feel the manipulation energy squeezing the unmovable parts of my ribcage together. Do I need to say that it didn't feel good? I don't like being manipulated. It's not as subtle as the perp thinks it is. I'm way too in tune with what is not said.
       That morning I woke up with a deep heaviness in my chest. This was more than the usual constriction that I have waking up with on a work day. I just couldn't shake it.        
       There has been an insidious, non-verbalized darkness enshrouding the women that I work with. This unfortunately began after I began to experience the transformation of my physical body, thanks to added modifications to my I AM practice, and an Intention that I had declared last summer to be a more appropriate physical vessel for The Light.

       This darkness was amplified when I decided for myself that I no longer seek approval, a transmutation of energies that occurred for me in one moment, on the afternoon that I and my son were visiting my mother for my birthday this summer. It was actually, exactly in the nanosecond after my mother nonchalantly, yet sincerely declared, "I'm proud of you. You did good." The intonation of these two simple phrases encompassed the sentiment that- she was speaking of my entire life up until that moment. She had never said it before, and I will probably never hear it again, not like this. Now, this would mean nothing to someone who hadn't been seeking that approval for their entire life. To me, however, these two sentences meant everything. Energetically, profoundly, deeply, I felt it. It was a game changer in this life game I'm playing. And so, after that, who cares what else, whatever for what anyone thinks of me? The Universe was priming me for the timing of this moment.
       We've already learned that giving it up and letting it go is one of the essential keys to manifestation. Let the Grand maestro take over, and just continue to "do you" every day. I mean, I had already decided that it didn't matter if either one of my parents ever loved me truly or approved of me. I had decided that I approve of me, and more and more as I grow. I was only receiving the set of life circumstances and challenges to fertilize my growth into the fulfillment of my life's lessons and purpose. That is essentially why we choose the humans we choose to be our "parents" in each lifetime. I know that it was in letting go of that need, surrendering it to the all-knowing Universe and really being done with it, exactly what I had secretly longed for was given to me as a gift. And now, none of it matters.      
That has evoked big trouble, on a subtle level of consciousness in those older Caucasian females from whom I had once sought approval, in a mimicking of the maternal-approval quest. It has always called forth nitpicking and intense micromanagement impulses toward me from my employer when I exhibit self-confident and impervious behavior. This has another soul-lesson implication for me, not quite for this post. (May be part of an upcoming post "They Are the Same Entity")
However, now that I no longer hold within my center the impulse to shrink myself and cleave to the older women, or enact  any behavior modifications that will maintain their approval, the accusations against me are really flying. They complain that I 'don't like them', that I'm no fun, I'm unfriendly. Part of this being that I will not engage in gossip or negative talk about anyone, not even the strangers they criticize from the second floor window who are just innocently walking down the street. I also do not care to offer my opinions or join in when they are talking about the life choices of the family members of the employees who are not at work that day. I'm no longer actively engaged in approval seeking, or joining in spreading negativity. I'm just me. Very often now, I am quiet, just listening. The one woman, who has been the initiator of this workplace abuse, has now launched into consistent critiquing and deconstruction of every single thing I do at the establishment, in the guise of offering a 'professional assessment' This, even though the owner  does things that same way as I, because she was the one who taught me, has been seduced into taking these faux-critiques into consideration.

This morning, September 11, 2017, I got inspired to look up, "emotional abuse in the workplace" Here are two articles that I have read. Unfortunately most of what I have read accurately describes what I have been going through at the job, because of a co-worker's jealousy, for the entirety of this year. It has turned into a "mobbing" situation.
When Conflict In The Workplace Escalates To Emotional Abuse
20 Subtle Signs of Bullying at Work

       I checked off ¾ of the "20 subtle signs" list. The description of "mobbing", in the article about conflict escalating into emotional abuse, fits exactly what is happening now.
The article also says,  " Dr. Heinz Leymann, a psychologist and medical scientist, pioneered the research about this workplace issue in Sweden in the early 80ties. He identified the behavior as mobbing and described it as "psychological terror" involving "hostile and unethical communication directed in a systematic way by one or a few individuals mainly towards one individual." Leymann identified some 45 typical mobbing behaviors such as withholding information, isolation, badmouthing, constant criticism, circulation of unfounded rumors, ridicule, yelling, etc. "
       When your employer says, "We're not trying to push you out of here or anything, but...." And tells a story about how she should've fired the person (that you had replaced) much sooner, because the anxiety that her (the former employee's) presence induced in her (the employer) when she came to work. Then says that you had better make it right with the person in the office who has been bullying you for the past 10 months, or risk being fired because the atmosphere is too uncomfortable. 

       When, a few days later, the employer likes your Facebook page, after two and a half years of criticizing and ridiculing your project. Is that not supposed to be transparent? It is classic "#19 Seduction. Using excessive flattery and compliments to get people to trust them, lower their defenses, and be more responsive to manipulative behavior." Or, after threatening an employee, out of nowhere "liking" their blog. (20 Subtle Signs of Bullying at Work article, link above)

       Where are  you supposed to go with that, when you've not done anyone any  harm? You realize that it's time to stop harming yourself by participating in the drama loop. And by God, especially when supplicating yourself to the bully has become a managerial requirement for keeping your job! When so called bully made a vow to end the conflict, then just keeps bringing it back, again and again in a regular cycle, you know that it will never ever end, no matter what you do, or say, or be. There is not enough 'internal pivoting' of perspective (Abraham fans), to effect a change in this sort of mob-mentality, especially when that mob has banded together and all are getting something from the conflict. THIS IS WHERE YOU DISENGAGE. Detach. Withdraw. Decide that the lesson here is to move on. The Soul needs more room to grow, unfettered, in Beauty, free of energy games- and of circumstances created from a former way of thinking/being. These kind of beings are never satisfied with the level of drama, and therefore pain, that they create- which of course is everyone else's fault, everyone involved in the situation. Classic changeling shit, although I haven't even tried to ask my Akashic Records guides about this. I don't want to know. I've seen enough.

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