07 December 2017

2 Lifetimes ago- 1600’s Renaissance Italy, part two

one of the things that I made back then,
as an absolute beginner,
chain included
(...continued, recorded, April 2, 2015)

Even now as I write this, I am overwhelmed by the feelings of love and passion for this, as I was when I first stepped down into that rough-stone walled, damp basement studio. Going back over the memories of my life has been too challenging for this very reason, as I recall these events, of this life or any of the others I have written about, I feel now as I feel then. I have not as yet developed a writing practice of distancing myself from the emotions that would facilitate writing about events as facts, as an observer, without the emotions showing up as insurmountable walls or chasms to be crossed. But, no matter.

       Yes, it was true that I did not have much inclination to be guided by the teacher, although I did listen politely to the lesson at the beginning of class, and I did ask questions when I had them. Mostly I wanted to be let loose in there, though. I wanted equipment of my own, although that equipment would have been without a home, given the living situation I was in then.

All cut and designed by me :)
*copper and brass*
My favorite, most beloved piece
that I made, all from scratch,
all as an 'absolute beginner'.
I was remembering...
I was being reminded of this life
but I wouldn't know that
for another decade!
       I especially can still feel how it felt when working with the solder. The acetylene torch barely touched the solder and metals being fused together. The solder would rather begin to melt and flow simply because of the peripheral heat of the torch tip, and I controlled this heat by feathering the torch near the point of metals to be joined.  It felt Primal, and I mean “primal” in the ways in which I no longer currently choose to relate to life. Sexual in the way where an uncontrollable, guttural urging swells in the center of the chest and spreads throughout the entire torso, filling one with a ravenous desire to merge, become one with and disappear into the object of desire. Or, be consumed by it.
       It’s the only way I can possibly describe the emotions that the soldering process brought up in me.
       Everything that I did felt familiar to me, cutting, soldering, polishing, etc. I felt no trepidation whatsoever about experimenting or doing something that the instructor said might not work. It always worked. That year, in the annual Member’s Show, a special award was created just for me, “Best Beginner”. That came with $100 gift certificate for some further study with one of the teachers...

(part three, 12/ 9:  "AFTER May 2010",
my lives in perspective after my own Soul Realignment)

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