 |
| one of the things that I made back then, as an absolute beginner, chain included |
(...continued, recorded, April 2, 2015)
Even now as I write this, I am overwhelmed by the feelings
of love and passion for this, as I was when I first stepped down into that
rough-stone walled, damp basement studio. Going back over the memories of my
life has been too challenging for this very reason, as I recall these events,
of this life or any of the others I have written about, I feel now as I feel
then. I have not as yet developed a writing practice of distancing myself from
the emotions that would facilitate writing about events as facts, as an
observer, without the emotions showing up as insurmountable walls or chasms to
be crossed. But, no matter.
Yes, it was true that I did not have much inclination to be
guided by the teacher, although I did listen politely to the lesson at the
beginning of class, and I did ask questions when I had them. Mostly I wanted to
be let loose in there, though. I wanted equipment of my own, although that
equipment would have been without a home, given the living situation I was in
then.
 |
| All cut and designed by me :) *copper and brass* My favorite, most beloved piece that I made, all from scratch, all as an 'absolute beginner'. I was remembering... I was being reminded of this life but I wouldn't know that for another decade! |
I especially can still feel how it felt when working with
the solder. The acetylene torch barely touched the solder and metals being
fused together. The solder would rather begin to melt and flow simply because
of the peripheral heat of the torch tip, and I controlled this heat by
feathering the torch near the point of metals to be joined. It felt Primal, and I mean “primal” in the
ways in which I no longer currently choose to relate to life. Sexual in the way
where an uncontrollable, guttural urging swells in the center of the chest and
spreads throughout the entire torso, filling one with a ravenous desire to
merge, become one with and disappear into the object of desire. Or, be consumed
by it.
It’s the only way I can possibly describe the emotions that
the soldering process brought up in me.
Everything that I did felt familiar to me, cutting,
soldering, polishing, etc. I felt no trepidation whatsoever about experimenting
or doing something that the instructor said might not work. It always worked.
That year, in the annual Member’s Show, a special award was created just for
me, “Best Beginner”. That came with $100 gift certificate for some further
study with one of the teachers...
(part three, 12/ 9: "AFTER May 2010",
my lives in perspective after my own Soul Realignment)
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