13 December 2017

MuMu's Grief

Monday, December 11, 2017
Our Dreamy didn't die then, back when I wrote my last post about her. She went the way that she wanted to. It's a story and an experience to be kept close to the family for now.
MuMu in his window on 11/11/17
       But, then there's MuMu, our 17 year old boy. Bigger than this, MuMu is Dreamy's son. He has never been alone, not for one moment of his life. Dreamy left her body two weeks ago tonight. She spoke to me of many things before she passed. MuMu has been looking around the apartment for her ever since, even though he was able to witness her lifeless form before she was laid to rest.
       Today, my son told me that Mu has stopped wanting to eat in the kitchen. Over these past 2 weeks, he kept trying to move over to mom's bowl, where he always used to go to try and push her out, and/or eat her leftovers. That bowl has been missing. He is lost. He's got no appetite today.
me and Dreamy in 2016.
I'm glad that I always
appreciated her,
and went slow enough to
always enjoy our time together
       MuMu has gone to every single closet, mewoing, and rooted out the underside of every single piece of furniture. He's looking for her. It gives me a lump in my throat right now as I type. Wherever she was, he had to be there with her. If she found a new spot to sleep, he had to wedge himself in. Every move that she made, he wanted to be in on it... All 17+ years of his life- until now...
       Today, I bought a bunch of pink silk peonies for her grave, which is in the back strip outside my bedroom window, so I can keep an eye on it. (Where I live, it is not unheard of for a hungry critter to dig things up to eat.) Two days after she died, I'd wood-burned her name and birth and death dates into a wooden cross to mark the pile of stones. I have been told by my Guides that I will be able to retrieve my baby's bones when it comes time to move from this place, whenever that will be.
       I could get another cat, but it would not be his Mom. Because of how I am, and how I have always communicated with the Nature Spirits (as I called them when I was little), I know that it's not just about "getting another cat". That's what most people would do. But here, apparently, we are being taught how to deal with an incomprehensible quality of grief. She left a space that I know that I can't fill for myself, how could I ever orchestrate that for MuMu?
       I was there when Dreamy was born (I had her Mama, Diva), and I was with Dreamy when she died. In 18 years, 4 months and 29 days with Dreamy, we'd been through so much- being homeless, having babies, moving around, painful breakups, being so poor we had to use dirt in the litter box and cook food from the food pantry for the cats, losing people we loved, and finally finding the brighter side of things... Almost half of my life, Mumu's entire life. Always together, no matter what. From Womb to Tomb, Birth to Earth- that's what I promised her, and Mu, too.
       We're just going to have to take it slow, stay heart centered, cry as needed, make adjustments, and do the best, like this, as we can. We're figuring it out as we go along.
MuMu on the left and Mom, Dreamy on the right in 2012
We miss her, so much.  
If anyone would like to send Prayer and soothing feelings
to MuMu, it's very much appreciated
as he goes through this very sad time.
Love and Blessings and Thank You.

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