Now, A Soul's Perspective: My #MeToo

       So, everything that I said before did happen. It happened in my Physical Life, lessons for my Soul. I mentioned that one of my chosen life lessons is "Confidence", moreover, that is Self-Confidence. The varying abusive relationships I experienced, in a nutshell that is not meant to trivialize my experiences, were part of my Soul's Plan to cultivate this particular life lesson. Through experiencing gaslighting and the other things I posted about, somehow I was forced to really tune, even deeper, into my own voice. The well spoken, "Know Thyself", apparently an integral energy/teaching in this rigorous training in Self Mastery.

       When I had my Soul Realignment done for me in the Spring of 2010, the practitioner told me that I'd had a Scar at my 2nd Chakra. A Scar means that I'd had a Tear in my 2nd Chakra previous to her looking at my Akashic Record- and I'd healed it Myself through whatever Spirit work I had done myself. Now, at that time I had no idea that a Chakra could tear, or if it was, what-ever I could do to mend it! It was a testament to a previously unrevealed Power, the ability to heal myself, even though I didn't consciously know I was doing it.

       Then, I thought back to my late teens and early twenties, just before I met my son's father. I was very sexually active, or at least I tried to be at every opportunity! At every opportunity, I sought to be the one whose energy was in control of the situation. At the end of my journey, living, or barely that, in the shadows of lower Manhattan, I started training to be a dominatrix at a gay men's S&M club! (That's when my spirit guides said, "O-KAY! Enough of this lesson. Next thing!" and my life fell apart and I came back to the Catskills, met Susun Weed, and a whole other Journey began...) At first glace, for the untrained eye, I may have looked like some sort of "vixen" (the soft brokenhearted hearted, but sexy vixen). In essence though, from the perspective of my Soul Record, I was unconsciously doing what I could to take back my sexuality. It evidently was effective.

       The Soul Groups of Origination and the blocks and restrictions, at least on my mother's record (what little I was allowed to see before I was kicked out of her Record by my Akashic Records Guides*) explain all of that early childhood angst- to me. And there's nothing that I can do about any of their stuff, because one is a negative soul and the other vibrates in the lower fourth dimension [i.e. "doesn't believe in this stuff]. 

       So, all of the things that I'd talked about in the beginning of the last post are a combination of the Soul Group characteristics and the negative entities, soul shifting, past life restrictions, etc... of my parents, which provided the fodder for the jump start of the learning of my major life lessons, and to steer me along this road I wanted to walk before I incarnated. Think Abraham-Hicks, "Contrast Creates Desire". 

       So, as I (and anyone) experience these painful situations, the extreme dualities/polarities, that are inherent in this Earthly experience, if we are Agile and are Initiated into doing "The Work" (this happens in an endless variety of ways, and multiple times throughout this physical lifetime), we take these situations as the lessons that they are, fully experiencing the accompanying emotions, and the changes wrought upon our Being. And with walking staff in hand, we carry on. 

       But it takes Courage, and Assistance. Fortunately, I have found it to be True, We Are Never Alone. Your Guide team and your Archangelic Masters, Ancestors (whomever is on your own personal team of Helpers in Spirit/of the Light) are helping you, right now. 

May Your Paths Be Blessed, Galactic Eternal Soul Being of the Light.

May the Perspective of Your Soul give you Mental Clarity 

and Emotional Ease, knowing that All is Truly Well.

Love and Hugs and *Ciao!* for now 

(this of course is just a snippet- this subject could go on forever... because it does! Lol)

💞 XoXo

Ursula Carrie

NOTE about me and my son's father: I "wrestled" my son's father "to the ground" in late January this year. I said (about his Soul Realignment), "I don't fucking care! I'm doing this for you! Your son needs you to get your shit together!" He was so worn and "broken", finally, that he just agreed. 
SO, here's the (what could be perceived as...) "kick in the teeth"; the fall down the rabbit hole; the hard swallow of the "Red Pill" about all That:
       Almost since Birth, my son's father was dealing with a possessing entity, a soul-shifting situation [with a Grey! no less. WTF?! But it happens.], multiple negative spirit guides on his team, almost all the chakras were torn.... and so much more. I mean more, to the point where I thought, "How the fuck did he surVIVE this long?!" 
       Then when I was all done, like I said in another post, I sobbed for almost 4 days! I was exhausted! And grieving how so horrible, how grievous- that all of that violent mis-interaction and all of that abuse and emotional/mental torture... was essentially created and fed by all of the blocks and restrictions** on my Soul Record, combined with those on his Record, and the past life debts we were to pay to one another. {Not that we're *victims*, here, Folks. We're all making choices, constantly, whether consciously or unconsciously.}

       All of this being big business from one lifetime ago. 

The pieces of my own puzzle about that lifetime,

I discovered in my son's father's Soul Record 

as I conducted the research for his Soul Realignment.

(early 1800's, near New Orleans) 

It's a fascinating story. 

I want to gather more information. 

[I realize that I have not written about that one, yet.]

The bleed-throughs from that lifetime are 

a bit too relevant to my current experiences.

BUT, I will tell the whole thing in the memoir that I put down a few years ago- but have been encouraged to pick it back up again... {Thanks Renee W.💖} By the time I get there (written, edited, revised, self-published), the apparent relevance of that life should be faded, I suspect. (i.e. "lessons learned"). 

So, I keep telling people I know, 

"There's a lot more going on here than people are aware of."

I am going to touch on this, also, in a future [vlog].

       I have learned one kind of a funny thing, though along the way: Just because someone gets all of the actual demons cast out of their life, it doesn't mean they won't still be an asshole! I wish I could LMAO about that.
* How is one kicked out of an Akashic Record? If one is not supposed to be snooping in some soul's Akashic Record, the information received will be confusing. You will receive opposing answers to the same question, given as "truth". Like, I would ask, "Is this a mono-souled individual with one soul in this body for this lifetime?", and I would be told "Yes". Then when I ask the opposite question, "Is this person soul-shifting, with two or more souls in this body?"- they would answer me "Yes". If I press on, it'll just get more chaotic. That means Get Out. 
** Blocks and Restrictions can be, but are not limited to: Negative Entity Attachments (they can be past life attachments or present life- then this item and its influence can branch out in multiple forms and permutations!); mis-perceived past life karma; Golden Web Chakra Tears; Emotional or Mental Body Programs (and depending on which Chakra the program is being run in, will have it's own detrimental effect); Vows; Obligations; Spells; Godspark Damage... etc.

What does all of this stuff mean? 

Come "see me" and find out! 

😉 Lol

Your Soul will tell you when it's Time.

Of Course, #MeToo. But, "I Shall Not Be Moved"

..... I AM a Female-born Female, After all....

I've been staying out of this #MeToo thing so far, however I am going to speak on this, I think, just this once... because I am really wanting to get this page turned in my personal life. It's time. If you're upset by the following, well... there's no apology. I'm just letting this topic today flow out, as if I am giving one of my "Speaking from My Heart [vlog]"s. (and it's so multifaceted, all these "life scenarios", I am not trying to speak my Truth like a "research paper") Begin the flow...

       I was molested as a child by a "family" member. I buried it in my subconscious. I remembered it, in a dream, one month before that motherfucker died. (And, when he did I rejoiced, and declined to attend the funeral, amid all the criticism about me not being there. I don't mourn child abusers. Let them burn in their own hell.) Neither of my parents (or even the man's "wife") protected or took me out of the situation. They pretty much dangled me in the pit of everything harmful and dangerous to a small child. I always felt unsafe and on my own, emotionally, mentally and physically. 

       As I grew up, and emerged fully into adulthood, I realized that I felt completely unsafe in the presence of both of my parents, and that I would never be truly seen or heard or loved by either of them. If I was happy, my mother acted towards me with hatred and contempt, whilst bragging to the world outside our front door about how "wonderful" I was. That of course was as long as I stayed small and made myself "pleasing' to her. If I ever cried or showed any emotion, both of them (even though apart/divorced) would yell at me to shut up, get over it... Then they would expect me to be their own personal psychologist/counselor. If I needed their love and support, I would just have to keep wanting, for neither of them had anything for me, unless I had something for them. If I didn't "have something" for them, they both turned their backs on me. No love, no comfort, no reassurance, no compassion. And I was told constantly that everything that was "wrong' in the lives of the adults around me was my fault. Everyone's favorite scapegoat. That's how I started out, and those lessons kept repeating themselves throughout my life.

       I hopefully have successfully ended my participation in those relationships, because NO ONE needs to be in their 40's and still dealing with abusive parents.

       About the #MeToo: As my life out into the world progressed-

        I've been cat called to the point where my heart was pounding so hard in fear, I would avoid walking certain streets. I've fat shamed and skinny shamed (by my own "father" for starters, as well as by strangers and by people who professed to "care" for me). I've been stalked, and almost kidnapped by a freak-show of a taxi driver when I lived in Manhattan (I escaped the cab at a red light, even though he'd tried to lock me in- thank goodness the Angels were strong with me, then).  I've been date raped, had men poke holes in the condom (because they were trying to impregnate me and therefore "trap me" in the relationship- and that happened more than once- with different men! WTF?!!!)- or even just remove the condom without my knowledge in the middle of the act. THANK God I lived through all that and came out healthy- no diseases, not ever! (Because, somehow, even when I was a little girl, I was committed to myself, to caring for myself, to ensuring my good health and survival. It apparently was one of my innate Gifts from God: Self-Care, Self-Love, even when I didn't realize it.) And, thankfully a couple of abortions- after those deceptive, condom-hole-poking nightmares- secured the future I am living *now*. And, as my power of perception grew stronger and became more refined, I eventually found out that I had been deceived by every single man I'd ever known, whether he be friend or lover- because they just wanted to try and keep me "in the dark', so they can have my cake and eat some other cake too. I can say now, it is nearly impossible to deceive me- I am always led to the Truth by Archangel Michael, or the others of my Family of the Light.

       Like, when I was with my son's father, amongst other things- he used to spit on me (like the huge, nasty kind of spit- the kind that demonstrates hatred and disdain for the object spat upon), called me a whore regularly (after he'd been out fucking every "piece" in town that wiggled her pussy in his face, and I was completely faithful) and told me I was a "piece of shit", or even a "dirty nigger"(!), almost every single day. He made fun of what he decided were my bodily flaws (small breasts, and a white pubic hair in my), compared me to my face to the others he would fuck when he was angry with me (like when I stood up, however meekly, for myself), bullied and coerced me to perform sexual acts that made me feel uncomfortable (with him), and reinforced constantly how "inadequate" I was. And while all of that was going on, he would gaslight me constantly- telling me that he didn't say any of those things or do those things- that I was "crazy". He flaunted the other girls in my face, with a grimace on his. He said horrible things about me out in the streets, then came to my apartment talking about, "I love you. Don't leave me." 

       For years I was swallowed up in the "abused woman syndrome". It would've been better if he had beat me, at least I would've had something to prove the abuse- the authorities can see bruises and broken bones- mental, emotional and spiritual abuse is nearly impossible to prove. Most abusers look like a "man about town", but come home and they are not what they show to the world "out there". BUT, when he started to get physically violent towards my son ("our" son), when the child was about 4/5 years old, that was the end of the line for me. NO one puts their hands on my baby. And my Spirit Guides stepped in and things started to happen and I started to break free. I was not going to raise a little, impressionable boy, thinking that because "this is how daddy does to mommy, and mommy is ok with it" that this is how he should treat women. Sometimes it's easier to stand up when someone more vulnerable than you is being threatened. (And yes, my parents knew all about this- and my mother constantly coerced me to stay with him because "he's the baby's father". And my father would just shrug his shoulders, and go off and smoke a joint, or a bowl, with my baby's daddy- laughing and "male bonding" the whole time.)

       This was all before my Soul Realignment in 2010. It doesn't mean that the abusive bullshit doesn't keep getting shot at me, like icy, steel arrows in my warm and loving heart. And the arrows can throw me off my path for a bit, but I pick myself off, reload the power pack in my "no bullshit zone" and keep going. The trouble used to be that- I have too much compassion (don't confuse that with "pity" or having a "bleeding heart") for other people. I always have, and at the lifelong expense of my own boundaries and safety. Or, it has been at the expense of what I know I need to do for myself in order to live the life that I scripted before I came into this body. 

       And, of course all of that abuse was part of that script (one of my life-lessons is "confidence", so being thrown in a ditch so many times was going to either break me or make me. And I may not have much money, but I sure as fuck ain't "broke"- anyone can just keep trying- and then go fuck off). I no longer feel any acceptable reason to stay with any situations where the purity of my heart is unappreciated, or to walk into red flag situations, with hopes that it will turn out differently. Not in this day and age. I'm not here to "fix" anyone. That's impossible. No one can "fix" anyone else. It has to come from within.   (Although I will blast the fuck out of any negative entities and what-have-you when a client comes to me for help. That's a completely different scenario. This is my mission, my life's work. I have had to and continue to realign myself to my work and what I know in My Sacred Heart is right. It seems that as I become more dedicated and committed to my Work, the bullshit arrives, multiplied. But I will not be deterred by hate and naysaying anymore.)

       This is inspired by the fact that I have been busting my ass for my son's entire life, raising him on $150- a week with no child support or any other kind of support, even though it felt like I was killing myself to survive- and managed to give my child, as one woman told me, "a very lush life". And I have spent this entire year so far trying to coach my son in "get out there" life skills, and driving him "all over God's creation" to support his passing interests with what little money I have, and all of my time and attention. And taking him to fill out job applications, networking to help him find employment so he can make his own money (none of which worked out as we hoped, but "giving up" was not in the plans- and teaching him (very patiently) how to drive a car, how to shop wisely and manage money, etc... etc... doctors, dentists, everything. And because the kid complains to the absent parent, quite typically for a 17 year old, about how "boring" his life is, and whatever else- I'm blasted with this today, from the consistently homeless, jobless "parent" who hasn't seen or attempted to visit this kid- in at least 5 years- and has offered no financial, or any other kind of support, EVER (even when he was "rolling in the dough", and not one, "wow our son is wonderful, you did such a good job with him all by yourself" or, "sorry I never sent any money to help"). This is just one example, from one person, of the pile of crap I have had to fight my way out of. Telling me that I may never see my son again! That is what he has always hoped for. Well, The Violet Flame can have this. I go with God, and God is in My Heart.

Why are you not supporting chimayo in wanting to assert himself into the world. Cut the cord already. He's so upset with you

I knew all of this would happen..

And he is so far behind ,he didn't even know how to get square footage from an area , doesn't know how to use a rake ? Just wow.. it's like he's been in a bubble his whole life. You kinda screwed him Cruz now since hes been sheltered as your pet he feels like he can't relate in society. Just so sad!!

Im working on getting a place right now, I know if he comes out here hes notgunna want to come back. I'm worried about him because hes gunna be 18 next year and is so lost.. by that time hes going to be out of your hair, and ya might not see him for a very long time , if again. I'd change your approach because I know where his head is at, very upsetting

Worst case scenario, he comes out here in a year , and gets a job t****** and goes to school

       When people find these things out about me, the most common reaction is: "Oh my God, how'd you get like this?" (hugging, loving, cheerful, optimistic, helpful, always comforting those who are suffering, lending a compassionate ear to those who need to talk about what's bothering them... and all that). Well, like I said, it all was going to either kill me or make me stronger. I'm more loving because of what I have been through, even if I now keep personal relationships at arm's length- or fuck, a million miles away, if I can help it. I expand my "no bullshit zone" and fortify the boundaries and focus on my grind. And, I know all this is meant to possibly deter me from my path of Service in the Light- to rile my Heart Chakra up so much that I become paralyzed with fear and can't move forward. The dark ones have many "outlets" for their dirty work. Old shit. Done. Ain't listening no more.

My Incarnated Soul Sisters of the Light are arriving. 

Together we will strengthen and fortify each other. 

And you haven't heard the last from me on that topic.😉

'back soon, I swear, with some [vlog].

Big Love, and Hugs for now.

And Thank You for Being Here.

❦ Rev. Ursula Carrie

Ursula Carrie's Tin Pan Symphony

*Hi Everyone! Just a little note to keep in touch.

I was enjoying last night's rain on my tin pans, 

I thought I'd share it with you all.

I have, in the garden area outside my bedroom window, 

a few old tin pots and a lid, turned over. 

I like to think they intimate the comforting sound 

of rain on a tin roof- 

my own little tin pan symphony!

I'm So Thankful for This