30 August 2017

I'll have to Back-pedal after this post...

(from my personal Facebook wall, just now)
We got back here just about a week ago.
Immediately, we went to the vet to pick our cats up and found that Dreamy has some sort of tumor in her mouth, which may or may not be cancer. The selfie that I took on Monday, after I had returned the rental car to Beacon, NY, (after I brought Dreamy to the vet for numerous procedures) shows me looking tired, stressed and haggard already.
at the Beacon, NY train station, waiting for the train to Poughkeepsie- 4 days back already looking as worn out as I feel
I had one 8 hour day at the job on Friday. By 11am on Saturday (2 hours into the shift), I was doubled over with severe pain in my solar plexus. The upcoming endoscopy will tell me if I have an actual ulcer or not. I work with women, who are my mothers age, who can not stop obsessing about the size of my body. The one woman who harassed me for 2 months straight (because of the renewed/reduced size of my pants), so bad that the people I work for thought they had to call for a mediator, now keeps her back to me- ALL DAY LONG. Can you imagine this?
Meanwhile, I had made a *life desire list*, well my son wrote it out for me while I was driving on the return trek back to this place. I can't call it "home", for I have felt neither welcome or comfortable here for years, now. The bitch downstairs apparently has the same problems with my presence, which is constantly demonstrated with bizarre harassment throughout the 7 years that we have been here. I know that these women are just unhappy with and hate themselves, but I am not here on the planet to "fix" anyone. I am not interested in anyone unless they truly want to improve, like the clients who come to me for soul realignment.
I know you changelings, and those critters (i.e. negative entity attachments) that are attached to so many humans who are souls of the Light. I know, "growth" and "the light" is not your game. And I can tell you, as my Light Quotient expands, as I continue, while housed in this physical body, to transform into the higher energies, I notice the negative souls are coming out in droves to try and pick, and pick.
So, yes a list that I'd felt very clearly while I was feeling so incredibly empowered and full of life and joy on this amazing 9 day road trip with my son. Because, I could feel myself, then- my true uninhibited Self. It felt good and beautiful.
And now, I am dealing with the frustration of how effing slowly change often does occur in the physical. I want it now. Just saying. So, all I can do today, it would seem, is pray for assistance in working through all of the anger and frustration that I woke up with today, and let go of thoughts about going to the job tomorrow. AND, to not fall back into that complacency that feels like being in a prison!
I have a dear human who ordered soul realignment work, while I was still travelling. I need to cleanse myself of these negative distractions, so I can focus on the work that I am really here to do. And I am thanking her for this opportunity to do just that.

here's the video that relates to my comments below:

03 August 2017

"Air Springs and Shock Absorbers", total solar eclipse trip posting, part two

Wednesday, August 2, 2017
       I am cleaning the living room this late morning. I'd rearranged part of it over the past few months, but had abandoned the project for the cozier energies of my room. The living room has never felt right in this place. I am regularly rearranging and disposing of the furnishings and attracting new pieces. Still, it just doesn't get on. Anyway, there's several high stacks of books and magazines on the loveseat that I am meaning to go through since I took their bookcase for my papermaking supplies. There's a book under a stack of binders. The binders are full of papers that help me to remember things we've done or experienced. I pull the book out. It's Auto Repair for Dummies. Many years ago I had this fantasy that I wanted to be able to fix my own car. I don't have that dream anymore, but I kept the book for information. I looked up what is going on with the underside of my car.

air compressor

"AIR SPRINGS are usually found on luxury vehicles. (remember, I was able to buy a 1992 Grand Marquis back in 2015) A rubber air spring can be filled with the right amount of compressed air to control the ride and maintain the proper height. With this type of system, a computer monitors the ride height and signals an onboard air compressor to pump more air into the air springs whenever weight is added to the vehicle. When the weight is removed, the computer turns on an exhaust solenoid to let air out of the air springs."

"SHOCK ABSORBERS...and MacPherson struts...do most of the work of protecting the passenger compartment from bumps. One or the other is located near each wheel. The way they cut down on vertical movement is interesting. When a wheel hits a bump, it tends to keep bouncing up and down long after the bump has been left behind unless the movement is controlled... Shock absorbers and struts allow the springs to compress freely and to return or rebound slowly- like the door check on a storm door that opens quickly and easily but closes gently."
(car quotes above are from pp. 198-199 of the 1999 printing of 
Auto Repair for Dummies, by Deanna Sclar)
So, these issues have to do with the vehicle being uplifted and in position to drive properly, or at all, and being able to dissipate the shock of the road being traveled for a smooth passage.
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Yes, and What about The WINDOW?
Well, opening the window allows fresh air to flow into the vehicle. Air is the element associated with the Mind/the Mental Body. (Also, the window must be rolled up and down at the toll booths, etc. which facilitates the journey.)
       I must admit, nearly immediately after I'd finished the bookings last Friday before I went to work, I started to allow my mind to get cluttered up with a bunch of thoughts that surely didn't belong there. I started to think about the drive, how many miles and hours between each stop. I started to allow my emotions to become tangled up in the stress of the distances between each stop, and feeling into the fatigue that I may feel at the end of each drive day. I started to think about how I could make it to each hotel in time for the very beginning of check in, and how we could stay until check out time but still make it to the next place for that check in time, so I would get the best value/amount of hotel time for my dollar (the most bang for my buck), and trying to work out in exactly how many miles I would have to stop to fill up the gas tank, and how much that is going to cost exactly, and finding those towns on the maps I'd saved, and researching every restaurant that may have food I can eat near to the hotel, and how late they're open....

(this photo spoke to me, from the internet)
       On Sunday, I got a hold of myself. I realized how I was negatively pre-paving this adventure, years in the Dream world, now emerging into my physical reality, by all of this worry and doubt. I know why I was doing this- because I am going deeply into the Unknown, and I was frantically trying to orchestrate everything so it would become known to me. Why? Because I want to feel safe. I am not alone in this experience, however I willing to happily discard it from my repertoire.
       I am reminded of the opening speech at the 2016 Abraham-Hicks workshop recording I heard (LA, CA this is the title, but the recording seems to be no longer on You Tube, sorry... *Abraham-Hicks 2016-08-13 North Los Angeles CA Full Workshop CORRECT VERSION *) about how once we Decide, the Universe comes in to support us- as long as we don't, then turn around and "kill it with doubt".
       MY Goodness! It's so true! Manifestors must be especially vigilant in the middle of a precarious manifestation to stay impeccable in Thought, Word and Deed.
       Let me say that, By Monday (the day before my car repair appointment), I was completely swirled up in stress, I could barely remember to take in a breath. No wonder the air suspension broke again on Tuesday only after a dozen miles! I am completely focused on cleaning up my energetic act! Needless to say, I haven't been allowing that fresh breeze to swirl throughout my Mind/Mental Body. And I had been turning a happy, fun exciting thing into worry and stress. Now how is that good for anyone? I am so thankful to be awakened to all of this- NOW!
TIME TO "PIVOT", as Abraham says.

       I told the Angels and my Family of Light that I allow them to assist me with the mental and emotional buoyance (air suspension) that I need to fulfill this destiny-trip and that I allow them to assist me with the shock absorption that my personal vehicle (the lower bodies of my mental, emotional and of which may affect my physical) may encounter as I make this epic journey out into America. I know by now that faith, combined with surrender, does move mountains. (to be continued...)

02 August 2017

"ANGELOVE", total solar eclipse trip posting, part one

I was in the process of writing this in a rather long reply in this morning's messenger text conversation with a friend. I thought, "This is becoming a blog post, I think I'll copy and paste." And I laughed as I searched for an emoji to express the thankfulness I was feeling for the friend's wise and reminding words. As soon as I went to apply the emoji, the whole conversation disappeared! So, here I am sharing this with all of you. Perhaps the events I share, particularly yesterday, and the events leading up to a story that is only at the beginning,
yet feeling already completed, can be of service somehow.

Yesterday, Tuesday, August 1, 2017:
       The air spring in the car's suspension system is supposed to be getting fixed today.  The entire car, is sloping toward the back right tire, the body touching the ground on a speed bump at the bank the other day. Things were grinding that shouldn't be. The problem began in June on the way to Vermont. Now it's really broken.
       And, two more problems have appeared that must be addressed. Saturday, when I got out of work, the driver's side window fell off of the track. It opened, but I forced it closed to keep out the rain and the wasps when I parked at the apartment. It doesn't open, now. 'Really off the track.
       And there's the pool of oily substance that I'd noticed on the asphalt near the back left tire Friday and Saturday mornings. That, I am informed, is a shock that needs to be replaced.
       I am sitting cross legged here on this hill of tree root that protrudes from the low bluestone wall that lines the lawn and separates it from the foot traffic of the sidewalk. It's an odd place to sit, I think, just here in this spot in front of the framing shop. Although, I am not in the habit of hanging around town, if I can help it, so I would really know where people choose to take a respite from walking. Walking around, however, is really the only thing for me to do as I await the car repair. I have no desire to shop and spend money in my own town that I want to go and spend in someone else's town. So, I sit down in this place, on the struggling carpet of grass and miniature wildlife that occasionally tickles up my lower leg, and pull a book out of my bag.
       Lately, I haven't been finishing any of the books I read. There seems to be at least one half, if not a whole, chapter or more that I leave unread. I am not sure of the reason for this. I kind of don't care. Maybe I just lose interest in the subject or the story being told (someone reading this in the future just thought, "Like this one right here."..... don't be surprised. It's ok 😏 ). So, since I had been enjoying the revocalizing of the information contained in this particular book, I take it with me in situations where there is so completely nothing to "do" that I have no choice but to persevere in the reading.
the book I pulled out of my bag to read under the tree
Last week I was so sure that if I didn't take this leap into the unknown and commit to this dream of mine, that I would be living thereafter with some heavy regrets. When it feels that clear and that strong, you have to move in that direction, even if there's fear. I can't say that I had been able to practice that in my younger days, but in feeling my impermanence as very, very real (at least in this body, and that's a whole 'nother post!) on and off throughout the past year, complacency is off the list of choices. Act now, or pay (with regrets) later.
       On Friday, in the morning before I went in to the job, I booked the final hotel that I knew I would have to book to avoid being booked-out. I felt very strongly that I needed to do this, an act of finalizing my commitment to this plan, before I went to work that day. The radius of hotels/motels getting booked out had been steadily spreading out in radius from the center line of the eclipse path. It was available yesterday, it may not be today. At that point, I felt a message from my Family of Light (which includes my personally assigned Guides, as well as Archangel Michael and a few other masters who communicate with me regularly) which told me to now pull back a bit and relax around the subject of this trip, as I had taken the precise actions that I needed to put myself to at this point.
       Of course, I didn't listen. I still tried to force my way ahead, each night throughout the weekend, and Sunday and Monday as I stayed home to save on driving the car with the bum leg, until the repair appointment Tuesday.
       But, now it's Tuesday, and all of these problems cropping up now with the car are unnerving me. I am starting to feel regret. Doubt is starting to nag and the thoughts become a runaway train. I'm also off the track, and I'm crashing headlong into the rocky bank.
       Logically I know this is what always happens. The testing ground. How committed am I really to myself, to my dreams, to the actual materialization of the dream? I understand but it doesn't soften the intense fear and regret that I am feeling right now. I made the commitment. I made the hotel reservations, non refundable (i.e. affordable) rates. That's it, isn't it? I'm committed to my self, to my dreams. I've shown that, haven't I? What's up with the car stuff?
       I say to myself, ("Self-soothing" as Abraham fans would know it) "It's good that these things happen when I'm still home, and there's still time before we leave,"  It's not helping, but I keep it up, then clear my head and find a piece of crabgrass just beyond my knees to loosen my focus on. When I feel sufficiently calm enough, I go to open the book and realize that I've almost finished this one. I'm at the poems at the end. I silently began to read:
We are all angels
We all come from heaven
With a heart full of light
Wise with no memories
Who have known the truth since time began
When did you lose your wings?
In which of your fears
Did you forget how to fly?
Open your heart again
Now the illusion of fear has gone,
Take back your wings
And be reborn to the light,
You are an angel
You have so much light to share
And there is so much need of light here......"
(excerpt, pages 179-181, We Are Human Angels, We Inspire Change, A Complete Course for Angelic Humans  ©2016 by Human Angels -available on Amazon)

       I finish reading the remaining stanzas of the channeled poem. Something in the center column of my body feels calmer.
I needed this reminder. The calm gentle readjustment to my emotional, mental and physical bodies that was effected by the taking in of the energies transmitted by the words made a knowing smile appear.
       At this moment, I looked up and saw a white van to my left,
briefly waiting in the uphill traffic.
* Its license plate read, "ANGELOVE"
I watched the van continue up the block, and disappear around the bend. "Ok, ok." I sighed. "I get it."
       I'm still not happy about what's going on with the car,
which also means the money and possibly the trip, but...
       I sit for a bit longer, take a deep breath, remember what's just happened and walk back down the block to the garage to see about the car...
(to be continued with part two)