29 December 2017

Female Soul, Male Body

Hindu God/Goddess Shiva/Parvati
Everyone that gets them knows that what we call "downloads" of information, some cosmic truth, the classic "ah-ha!" moment, nearly always occurs somewhere in the bathroom! You're on the pot, in the shower- or, as with me for this post's sake, flossing the teeth. If it's not in the bathroom, it's during some similar mundane activity. Bam! Newsflash from the Universe. Write it down, like now.
       It was a couple of weeks ago, so obviously I didn't write it right down, but I still have the message, and insight to offer to perhaps allay or avoid any future inner anguish for those who are grappling with the issues of gender identity. I know that this is not a reality that I face in this incarnation, so some would angrily demand to know with what sort of "authority" I propose to speak on this topic. I would say, first quite merrily that I only have authority over myself, the same as any sovereign being. And then that- I only seem to feel a great deal of compassion for the consequent physical and emotional difficulties that someone goes through when they opt to surgically and chemically change their physical body. From my observations over the past decades, changing the sexual organs does not make things better. I have only seen even more emotional and mental anguish, this time with the addition of the physical pain. What I can tell you, through direct connection, as I understand it, with Source, there was a reason that, for example: some Female Souls are, and have been, Awakening to their own Higher Presence, in a physical male body! And they are freaking out, believing at a deep level that they are "in the wrong body". 
[a preface here- i am not saying that David Bowie had a famale soul, nor am I stating anything of the kind about Prince, because I don't know anything about either of their souls.... they are simply the perfect illustrations to the download info]
the amazing,  David Bowie

       I've said it before, the soul's record offers so much insight, and comfort, for the seeker of Truth. Wouldn't it be good to know the reasons why you feel the way you do, or why certain situations keep repeating themselves, or how *understanding even a past that occurred before you took your first breath in your body* may be affecting the life you're living now? I know that there are answers for every human being that is facing this issue available in their soul's record/Akashic Record. 
       Here is a paraphrasing of the download that I received on this a couple of weeks ago, which offers another, more wholesome, body-cherishing perspective on the transgender topic (and you could just as well flip it around and say "male soul in female body", but I personally know many more men who have altered their bodies than women, and every single one of them is having a painful time of it, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually): 
       In this time of the softening of the edges of Duality- in this time of clearing and cleansing of the draconian patriarchal systems- as souls have been preparing the way over hundreds of years for this softening by incarnating into oppositely gendered bodies- many souls are now awakening to this seeming incongruence of soul and body- The female characteristics coming alive and online, while the consciousness is housed in a male form, is understandably an upsetting contrast- Especially in a primitive 3rd/lower 4th dimensional society heavily characterized by over-exaggerated, wounded masculinity. It would make some sense that a feminine entity- waking up to the fact that she was living in a male form, in these particular times on the planet- would want to completely disassociate herself from those male parts. {knowledge of the Soul, Its Purpose and Intention is so important here}
the incomparable, Prince
       It was never meant to go so far as to alter the physical form in order to suit the coming forth of the soul's presence. They were meant to be blended, the feminine consciousness with the masculine body, hormones and all. For, a man who is effeminate, or at the least deeply empathetic to women (because he knows his soul as female) is very much more powerful and effectual in balancing the polarities of masculine~feminine on the 3D/4D Earth. How? Because beings in male bodies, male oriented men, male souls in male bodies still hold the majority of the visible power on this planet. Because we are still existing in the energetics of that old paradigm/male society, "female oriented men" are a treasure and great assistants in the rising of the Divine Feminine. 
David Bowie

That is empowering. And the optimal way to participate in the soothing of the polarities of masculine-feminine in human society. Not by creating additional pain (surgery, etc). Awakening to and aligning with the soul's truth and mission in this life- or at least finding out what that is- even though it may not make sense in the conscious mind. From experience, being in touch with the larger picture will always lead to the highest and best good for the person having the experience. And this good for the individual, is as always, also for the Good-of-the-All.  
[And, yes there are androgynous souls, and male souls, too- and there's a wild mix and match of souls-to-bodies going on constantly here on this particular planet- part of the lottery wheel we spin to get onto this game show! I'm just talking about a very tiny part of it, in case my download/insight can help anyone. And, if you're struggling with this issue of gender identity and you want to look deeper, send me an email, and I will see if I can help you get some information/clarity from your Akashic Record.]

Post on this subject from 2013 http://ursulacarrie.blogspot.com/2013/01/gender-identity-confusion-your-akashic.html 

27 December 2017

Quirky Synchronicities part two: *Good Things Are Happening*(2)

Again, you know, things can sit around here for a few days. If I'm on the energetic trail of something, and the trail goes cold for a moment, I go where I feel the heat. Meaning, most of the time, thankfully, I'm following my inner guidance on what to do and when and how. Things just go smoother that way, and often with subtle, delightful, magical happenings throughout. This, as opposed to when I'm really not feeling something, and I try and force it... that's suck-disaster-city, most of the time. Maybe not so extreme, but one learns over time to willingly let the Universe take the reins and get a better experience out of it. So, in this way I'm always doing thing 'off-the-cuff'. Like filling in the lines for this certificate that I am intending to send to my fine female acquaintance. 
       I filled out the lines of the above certificate as follows (thanks to my friend, who posted this photo on her Facebook wall- I love the placemat that she chose as a background)~
       Now, I remember. I stopped and waited for the words before I scribed out each line of this certificate. I remember especially waiting for the right thing to write on "date" line that wouldn't be too restrictive or limiting. I also have some Dr. Seuss bookmarks, one of which I includes on the back side of this certificate to liven up the white back side of the card (if something is white- I feel compelled to throw a little color on it!). And for good measure, I threw in two bags of Yogi Tea, detox tea. Not my favorite blend, but I thought maybe she would like to try some. Satisfied, I took this card, with the one for my buddy in Hawaii, and off to the post office we went.
       So, she posted this with a note, showing all her peeps what came to her in the mail, then she said that good things/her heart's desires were happening, for sure- and all the time.
       Now at this point, I'm all like, "Wow. That's cool. Nice background colors and textures on that photo..." I'm not thinking anything of it- any of it... until the very next day after this photo post of the card, and she makes the big reveal...
       She just got her dream job, doing what she does right now, at the most hip and happening summer town in New England! Big move, new life. Apparently this is something that was very much her heart's desire- and she manifested it! (Also she is into Abraham and the LOA, like me) But did I know all of this was going on as I was assembling this little packet for a belated birthday greeting? I thought I was just having fun!
       Apparently, The Universe was too!

I am SO Happy for her! 
And for this very fun little synchronicity.

25 December 2017

23 December 2017

Quirky Synchronicities part two: *Good Things Are Happening*(1)

Now, in this same time frame that the little synchronicity with the *magical mochi* was happening, I had also been inspired to put an envelope in the mail to another friend. 
I saw that it had been her birthday on Facebook. I don't really feel comfortable doing that 'happy birthday' thing on peoples' walls, not unless I feel inspired to make it unusual/interesting. I'd rather send a card that can be held, touched, and propped up on a dresser or desk- or hung on a fridge for a little while. I like to get cards too. I'm always so curious about people's handwriting. So, you know, if I'm sending some greetings in the tangible mail to one person, I'm probably assembling a card/package for another one. The vibes tend to go that way. 

       A couple of years at our local Target, there was a display in the $1 section of some really cute Dr. Seuss stuff. Of course I loaded up on the items most appealing to me: mini notebooks, stationery, little shopping bags, wall art. One of the stationery packages had 3 different "certificates": a birthday one, a "congratulations" one and the one that I chose "Good things are happening". Well, we don't hang out, this person and I- but I've always dug her vibe and I have her mailing address. Since it was already past her actual birth date to send the "birthday" one didn't feel right to me. (Remember, I'm steered by intuition) And what's the use of saying "enjoy your day" when the day has already passed! So, with that I wanted to send a general birthday-vibe-all-year-long-blessing-greeting-acknowledgement. Sending some energy/intention for "Good things" to be happening sounded about right.
       But as always happens with me- one good turn gets another and soon I'm off into a little assemblage of doo-dads to add to the envelope, most importantly of which, apparently, was what I was inspired to write on the lines of this certificate. 
       Little did I know what happening with the woman that I was thinking of as I wrote...

Quirky Synchronicities part two: *Good Things Are Happening*(2) on 12/27

21 December 2017

Quirky Synchronicities part one: *Magical Mochi*(2)

I don't check my emails every day. Interacting with that form of communication, for me, is exhausting. All the checking off, only 50 at a time. All the old mailing lists that I'm not ready to unsubscribe from. I'm doomed if I forget for a few days. [Neither am I a fan of the telephone, unless it's someone with whom I deeply resonate. Those folks have become too slim in number nowadays.] 
       So, needless to say, I just got the email today that "T" wrote to me on December 15th, from Hawaii. This email was coinciding with the photos he posted of the Mochi Festival that his village and his landlady were giving, on that very day. He had sent photos to me on Facebook, and was exclaiming at the timing of my card! I'm thinking, "What the fuh is he talking about?" You see, once I let something go, like a letter, or even an intention [oh, wait, didn't I say they were one in the same in this case? Lol.]- I forget all about it. All about it. I'm just a vessel, more like a funnel, for whatever love and creativity is coming through and going wherever it's going. I don't retain very much memory of it if any at all. Get in, bam, get out, keep jogging. 
       I like it. The playful, powerful Presence of the Universe/Source Energy is unquestionably felt in scenarios like these. I told you, you'll like it, too.
not my friend's picture, but showing a traditional
pounding of the rice
       So anyway as I was saying, just this morning I figure I'd better check the emails, because it's been a few minutes, eh-hem. And there it is, on December 15th, an email from "T". *Now all of those bewildering photos on Facebook are being explained!* It just so happens that my card, with this whole thing that I told myself was complete nonsense about coconut mochi custard- was the first piece of mail that sitting in his brand new PO Box; that he was visiting for the first time on 12/14, even though he'd had the new address for weeks; and, yes 12/14  the day before the big and very Sacred Mochi cooking and pounding ceremony that his landlady was hosting. 
       Can you believe that I didn't put it together right away? I didn't know about the festival, or his new address, or any of that. Well, since I had my eureka! moment  today, I've been blowing through information online and learning about this ceremony. This video brought out that lump in my throat that I get when I have great emotion swelling up inside of me. But that nearly always happens when I hear any sort of slow rhythmic Indigenous drumming.
Some more information on the food itself and the ceremonial nature, sometimes, of Mochi:

not "T"'s picture- but a pic of the 'fireman',
who, as explained by my friend, is in charge
of the cooking of the rice-
this is no job for the untrained!
Rice is pretty much the only grain that I eat, with some occasional cornmeal. I love the sacredness pounding by hand- to a rhythm! All those involved must be highly Present in the moment, and in tune with one another. Essentially, that means getting tuned into a vibratory field that is being created as a web: mallet, turning- and in tune with the drummers beat. And the drummers must also be energetically linked to the pounder(s) and turner. This Sacred Rhythm is mesmerizing, brings up deep, Ancient stuff from the DNA. 
       I could feel the emotion of my friend about the card and timing, etc. I felt much emotion, too- of how The Presence of the Universe is continually showing Itself to me, working through me- all unbeknownst to me! And then, the big reveal, and the sitting in [pleasurably] stunned silence, just mouthing, "wow".

I got another one for ya' that has transpired within the same time frame as the *magical mochi* Quirky Synchronicities part two: *Good Things Are Happening* 12/23/17 
 Yes, it has something to do with something that has to do with that guy on the right >>>>

12/21 Postcard Greeting

19 December 2017

Quirky Synchronicities part one: *Magical Mochi*(1)

Yep. You can just go ahead and call me a "tool"! I mean it in the most positive sense of that word. I had a couple of very "funny" things happen this past month, synchronicity style. "You're going to like it" [Abraham]
So, last month out of the blue I catch a coconut craving. It didn't matter what- a bag of shredded coconut, some 'Almond Joy' candies, coconut water (aka 'milk'- to paraphrase my teacher, Susun- I digress..) in my soup, in my smoothie, you get it. So, I decide that I have to find some recipes for coconut and am going through all of my Thai, Hawaiian, Indian and Caribbean cookbooks. Then, I remember my old favorite, coconut custard pie. There's a recipe for that in one of the Hawaiian cookbooks. On the opposite page is a recipe for Coconut Custard Mochi
       It calls for '4 cups of mochiko or 2 10-oz. pkg.'  Mochhiko. "What the hell is that?!" I say out loud, with gusto. You know because it's coconut, in pudding. That is enough. But, then I look it up online and see that this is a sweet rice flour. Hmm. I've never seen that here, but it must be a common shelf item in Hawaii. 
       Now, whenever I think of Hawaii, I immediately see T's face in my mind, because he lives there. Then, I get this whole download to copy the recipe, put it in a card and write a note and send it to him- just because. I did photocopy the recipe, but I put the card that I chose and the whole thing to the side for a couple of weeks. Because, my 'brain' took over- "Aw, whaddya' gonna' send that to him for? How silly. What does he care that a mochi coconut custard made you think of him? Don't be weird!" So I didn't send it.
       Now, when I'm writing a card or even an email to someone {now this is a little secret I'm divulging} I am not simply writing "words", I am actually imprinting the communication with energy. I am holding the image of that person in my mind, but more so, in my heart and i am recollecting whatever fond feelings I have for that person. Then, I open myself up as if I were intending to channel or receive Divine guidance, and I just write whatever comes out- until the force, the feeling, dissipates. I never force one more word, or punctuation mark beyond this sort of fuel to what I write. Often, I will put the writing immediately into the envelope, so this orb of energy is, well... 'sealed'. 
       So, there's these pieces of paper so far that I've prepared and, moreover, an envelope already stamped. It's been sitting here for a couple of weeks now. And I have one of those, "Oh, fuck it." moments (I've written about those amazing manifestation moments, sponsored by my "fuck it" mantra: http://ursulacarrie.blogspot.com/2017/05/i-have-some-funny-stories-on.html ) I do the same process. I need to retune to my friend's energies, because by now I'd lost the original energy that inspired this little note in the first place. So, I find him, I'm tuned and I'm open and writing through my heart. I take it and a couple of other things to the post office, drop the envelope in the slot, and forget about it....

{*magical mochi*(2), on 12/21}

something to do with something like this.....

17 December 2017

Leaf Blowing

       I see human beings performing so many actions that are, to me, counter-intuitive to living in harmony with the many Beings of the planet, with the Earth and how she moves through her cycles. I'm no expert, but I trust my intuition. I'm talking about stuff like- leaf blowing just a day or two before the snow is about to fall. Is that really necessary anymore? Every time I witness that anyway (leaf blowing) it horrifies so many of my senses. Then, I soothe myself by also acknowledging that the people who are doing the blowing are making money to take care of their families and that Nature will recover because She is Strong. And I let it go. Or, wait a minute- mowing the lawn in mid November, right before it's going to snow. Like the grass is still growing.... really? Really? What is that all about? We all have those things that scrape our chalkboards! Mine are: leaf blowers, chainsaws, mowing the lawn when the grass ain't growin', LED head lights on cars and door slamming. That's all I can think of for now! Lol.
       But anyway, think about it from a holistic perspective. Do you remember the growth cycle of a tree? Imagine only from the perspective of no human activity interfering with the tree's business. An acorn, or other type of tree seed, falls to the ground (or gets "hidden", then forgotten, by a Squirrel! See, did you also know that? That so many trees have grown because of those Squirrel Shamans I was talking about in an earlier post! Lol.) and through a miraculous series of transformations becomes a full grown tree. Then, as this full grown Tree, the rotation of seasons bring rhythmic changes and growth. 
       The roots draw Nourishment from deep within the Earth bring up in the Spring in the Saps (tree blood, really). More bark is created from the inside to the out (relate this to the rings you've probably counted on your fresh cut disk from your holiday tree by now), and up the branches go this vital force to the create the leaf buds, which will unfold into the Leaves. When these leaves fall in the Autumn, much of that which was taken from the Earth- is given back to Her. The decomposition process begins. Granted, it can take longer than one year for those leaves to fully become dirt once again. At least the nutrients go back to the soil. You see that in the forest in places where humans don't walk a lot- off the trail- this dark rich forest floor soil. That's what has been going on there, undisturbed- the cycle of give and take. That does not happen when the leaves get put in a plastic bag. That gets buried somewhere, or floated out into the ocean on a barge. 
       The other thing about just letting the leaves be... They provide a nice cover over the grass and little plants, an insulation from the snow. We all could use a bit of cover and protection from the storm. Why not wait until the spring, when everything is getting warmer, and the frost warnings have ended. Then remove the leaves so everything beneath can take a big breath. We all take that Breath together, that first warm day of Spring. Winter is for resting, for everyone, including the Earth, for taking cover, for counting your blessings and dreaming "long-winter's-nap" sort of dreams about what seeds in *the garden of life* you want to plant in the spring.
       We can all take that Breath together.

15 December 2017

Time to Relax, Listen to the Within

The message this past ten days, in every reading that I've pulled for myself, have a theme. "Nurture yourself", "self-care", "life review", "let yourself receive", "avoid negative or harsh environments". I like to pull for just a few days at a time, since things change fairly often with me, sort of mercurial it can be. So this is the theme. Well, I had a feeling about that. I know of other people who are receiving the same messages from the body and energy systems. I decided early on to employ some of the lessons generously lavished upon me by 2014- and I surrendered. Snowstorm, surrender. Don't have to go out, then don't make up a reason to. Stop. Open up, and breathe. 
       One of the first things to be forgotten with a quickness when we experience a full on crisis, or simply an unbearably stressful situation of any sort, is the self-care aspect of the day or week. Even some simple stretches can make a world of difference in unlocking the emotions that can get stored in the musculoskeletal structures of the body. But, these are the times when we need movement the most. With movement, the Breath. And Water, preferably not in plastic. We need to move, breathe deeply and feed the water that is the body. I'm saying this because it is these three things that people tend to forget in the hustle-bustle. Very simple, but Manna-feeding.

       I hope that you are taking some time each day to move and breathe and stretch and take care of your Soul's Vessel. And remember to drink Water, even in the winter.
       May you have the weekend that is of your personal preference :)

Love and Blessings

13 December 2017

MuMu's Grief

Monday, December 11, 2017
Our Dreamy didn't die then, back when I wrote my last post about her. She went the way that she wanted to. It's a story and an experience to be kept close to the family for now.
MuMu in his window on 11/11/17
       But, then there's MuMu, our 17 year old boy. Bigger than this, MuMu is Dreamy's son. He has never been alone, not for one moment of his life. Dreamy left her body two weeks ago tonight. She spoke to me of many things before she passed. MuMu has been looking around the apartment for her ever since, even though he was able to witness her lifeless form before she was laid to rest.
       Today, my son told me that Mu has stopped wanting to eat in the kitchen. Over these past 2 weeks, he kept trying to move over to mom's bowl, where he always used to go to try and push her out, and/or eat her leftovers. That bowl has been missing. He is lost. He's got no appetite today.
me and Dreamy in 2016.
I'm glad that I always
appreciated her,
and went slow enough to
always enjoy our time together
       MuMu has gone to every single closet, mewoing, and rooted out the underside of every single piece of furniture. He's looking for her. It gives me a lump in my throat right now as I type. Wherever she was, he had to be there with her. If she found a new spot to sleep, he had to wedge himself in. Every move that she made, he wanted to be in on it... All 17+ years of his life- until now...
       Today, I bought a bunch of pink silk peonies for her grave, which is in the back strip outside my bedroom window, so I can keep an eye on it. (Where I live, it is not unheard of for a hungry critter to dig things up to eat.) Two days after she died, I'd wood-burned her name and birth and death dates into a wooden cross to mark the pile of stones. I have been told by my Guides that I will be able to retrieve my baby's bones when it comes time to move from this place, whenever that will be.
       I could get another cat, but it would not be his Mom. Because of how I am, and how I have always communicated with the Nature Spirits (as I called them when I was little), I know that it's not just about "getting another cat". That's what most people would do. But here, apparently, we are being taught how to deal with an incomprehensible quality of grief. She left a space that I know that I can't fill for myself, how could I ever orchestrate that for MuMu?
       I was there when Dreamy was born (I had her Mama, Diva), and I was with Dreamy when she died. In 18 years, 4 months and 29 days with Dreamy, we'd been through so much- being homeless, having babies, moving around, painful breakups, being so poor we had to use dirt in the litter box and cook food from the food pantry for the cats, losing people we loved, and finally finding the brighter side of things... Almost half of my life, Mumu's entire life. Always together, no matter what. From Womb to Tomb, Birth to Earth- that's what I promised her, and Mu, too.
       We're just going to have to take it slow, stay heart centered, cry as needed, make adjustments, and do the best, like this, as we can. We're figuring it out as we go along.
MuMu on the left and Mom, Dreamy on the right in 2012
We miss her, so much.  
If anyone would like to send Prayer and soothing feelings
to MuMu, it's very much appreciated
as he goes through this very sad time.
Love and Blessings and Thank You.

11 December 2017

Celebrate the Mountains

It's International Mountain Day

Green MountainBy Li Bai
You ask me why I dwell in the green mountain;
I smile and make no reply for my heart is free of care.
As the peach-blossom flows down stream
and is gone into the unknown,
I have a world apart that is not among men.

09 December 2017

Subtle Communications Mean a Lot

 If I ever doubt the communication between myself and my Family of Light, things like this just rub all the doubt out:

       So, after all this talk and reminiscing about how much I loved the silversmithing, soldering, etc....
~ I was on an errand yesterday for the woman that I help out, and Lo! And Behold! What do I find in the brochure,flyer section of the cafe?
** A card advertising a BRAND NEW SILVERSMITHING Studio! It's 10 miles away from me in the neighboring town!
       I want to express my Thank-Full-ness to Those Who Are With Me, for hearing my Heart, and sending me such Love and Encouragement.
       [If you are just at the beginning stages of your Ascension, be assured that these kinds of occurrences will become more commonplace, as you connect ever more with the Higher Aspects of your own Self. It's really quite reassuring to have these seemingly small things appear. BUT, they're not so small, are they? <3 font="">

TALK to your Guides, speak from the heart, and Let it all Go. Then Be Delighted in what appears, when you least suspect.
Much Love.
And Thank you for being Here,
-Ursula Carrie
       P.S.- Also, yesterday, the woman I work with/for asked me if I'd ever been to India. I said, well, no, since I haven't yet managed to cross either ocean (that's coming, I'm sure of it! just don't know when ;) ). So, we got to talking about Ayurveda a bit. Well, she winds up going through her collection of essential oils that she bought mail order from Auroville- Before I leave, she hands me a fresh boxed bottle of...... VETIVERT
       I could've passed out! My favorite magical oil- and SO rare to find where I live out in the country. I'd been wishing for some Vetivert for some years, not actively, but.... AND here it is! She had no clue about my wish for this particular oil. BUT Creator-Source knew ALL about it! She played her part in the Divine's plan to raise my spirits, and remind me that I'm not alone. 
       So, just to share- just when I want to give up. Just when it feels like 'it's over', something comes along with a little nudge to say, "Hey, we're here. We're listening. Take Heart, Beloved. All is still Well...."

2 Lifetimes ago- 1600’s Renaissance Italy, part three

La Primavara, by Bottticelli
(continued, recorded, April 2, 2015) AFTER May 2010
I have to look back in my journals to tell you exactly when I did the past life research session in my Akashic Record that led me to discover that I had been in a Male Incarnation 2 Lifetimes ago and living in Italy during the time of the Renaissance there.
✦  I have had a love for Bach and Botticelli, since at least my early teens that I remember. Also for Shakespeare and that style of dress.
The brief time of ecstasy with silversmithing in my late 20’s was long packed up and gone from my mind as I began the many months of intermittent inquiries into my own soul record, following intuitive leads as to my gender and whereabouts and time period of each life. I didn’t work “backwards” in what one may call “chronological” order, rather I allowed what needed to Speak to me to do so, and I followed the trail it showed me. 

✦ So it was with this life. My investigations revealed to me, very simply that:

  • I was male
  • I was muscular, about 5’ 10”, sturdy frame- with black hair (strands about 3 ½”-4” long, so not short, but no longer than hanging about my ears) that was curly more on the side of wavy, with a full, trimmed beard and moustache
  • I was living in a city in Italy (I have not inquired which one)
  • It was the Renaissance
  • I was a Blacksmith
  • I made weapons (swords, knives, daggers) for the aristocracy
  • There were no wars being fought, then. The weapons were for collecting, practice, and display- but they were not simply ornamental.  I did not ask how my clients planned to use them.
  • I did not make any sort of ornamental or artistic pieces, weapons only.
  • I was one of the finest craftsmen of my ilk as such my services and wares were very exclusive (all products were commissioned from me)
  • Even though I was a fine craftsmen and such as stated above, that did not make me part of the class of people who commissioned my finery
  • Secretly, I did have a taste for the finer things- art, literature, music- which I kept close to my breast. It would not be good for me to reveal this, especially to any of my clients. One could not exactly trust them.
  • I was married and I had 5 children, 3 of whom were negative souls (Draconian)
  • I loved my wife, but those 3 of my children were an incredible sadness, to put it lightly, for me (constant violence, struggles, drama, turmoil)
  • My work was my Lifeblood, we were one and the same
  • I had a very rich inner life, especially when I was surreptitiously enjoying a concert or any of the other pleasures that needed to enjoyed in secret
I died in my early 50’s; although not specifically researched I feel that was caused by the many smokes that I inhaled all day every day as part of my trade.

07 December 2017

2 Lifetimes ago- 1600’s Renaissance Italy, part two

one of the things that I made back then,
as an absolute beginner,
chain included
(...continued, recorded, April 2, 2015)

Even now as I write this, I am overwhelmed by the feelings of love and passion for this, as I was when I first stepped down into that rough-stone walled, damp basement studio. Going back over the memories of my life has been too challenging for this very reason, as I recall these events, of this life or any of the others I have written about, I feel now as I feel then. I have not as yet developed a writing practice of distancing myself from the emotions that would facilitate writing about events as facts, as an observer, without the emotions showing up as insurmountable walls or chasms to be crossed. But, no matter.

       Yes, it was true that I did not have much inclination to be guided by the teacher, although I did listen politely to the lesson at the beginning of class, and I did ask questions when I had them. Mostly I wanted to be let loose in there, though. I wanted equipment of my own, although that equipment would have been without a home, given the living situation I was in then.

All cut and designed by me :)
*copper and brass*
My favorite, most beloved piece
that I made, all from scratch,
all as an 'absolute beginner'.
I was remembering...
I was being reminded of this life
but I wouldn't know that
for another decade!
       I especially can still feel how it felt when working with the solder. The acetylene torch barely touched the solder and metals being fused together. The solder would rather begin to melt and flow simply because of the peripheral heat of the torch tip, and I controlled this heat by feathering the torch near the point of metals to be joined.  It felt Primal, and I mean “primal” in the ways in which I no longer currently choose to relate to life. Sexual in the way where an uncontrollable, guttural urging swells in the center of the chest and spreads throughout the entire torso, filling one with a ravenous desire to merge, become one with and disappear into the object of desire. Or, be consumed by it.
       It’s the only way I can possibly describe the emotions that the soldering process brought up in me.
       Everything that I did felt familiar to me, cutting, soldering, polishing, etc. I felt no trepidation whatsoever about experimenting or doing something that the instructor said might not work. It always worked. That year, in the annual Member’s Show, a special award was created just for me, “Best Beginner”. That came with $100 gift certificate for some further study with one of the teachers...

(part three, 12/ 9:  "AFTER May 2010",
my lives in perspective after my own Soul Realignment)

05 December 2017

2 Lifetimes ago- 1600’s Renaissance Italy, part one

recorded, April 2, 2015

This is one of the “past life” bleed throughs that I have so far found to be the most enjoyable of the experiences I have had so far. Of course these are not bleed throughs in the sense that it was not something that wasn’t meant to happen or has been something undesirable, at least with this one. And I observe that it is in keeping with the pattern I am appearing to have in my incarnations: twice female, then once male, then twice female again, etc.

       This life in Italy was in the early part of the 1600’s. It was the life that followed my lifetime in the area now called “New Mexico”, where I lost my love, where our home was desecrated. In Italy at this time, which I of course would not know until my very late 30’s, was that of a Blacksmith. The experiences that I had, some ten years previous, that reintegrated this aspect of Mine Self into the Wholeness of Being that I have been becoming in this “present” lifetime, were quite empowering, powerful and fun. To this day, I have kept all the metals and tools and still yearn to have my own studio and equipment to play this aspect of My Being. But I am getting a little ahead of this part of the story.

       In February 1999, when I was twenty-six years old, I was hired to work as the box office manager at the Woodstock Guild of Craftsmen on Tinker Street on Woodstock, NY. That position eventually led to performing a number of part time tasks in the main office, one of which was taking care of the student registrations that came in for the classes offered through the Guild. They had a very strong stone carving and pottery programs held at the Byrdcliffe property. There were also equally well-attended jewelry/silversmithing classes held in the basement studio of the Tinker Street complex. Over that year I felt a growing curiosity about those jewelry classes, which evolved into a kind of passionate hunger to participate. By the fall of that year, I had implored a deep employee discount off the tuition, and I was in...
part two, 12/7)