PEM (post-exertional malaise). Longcovid. ME/CFS. The "longhaul" is really fucking long...

PEM (post exertional malaise)- commonly called a "crash"- is one of the most difficult aspects of having Longcovid, but most especially Longcovid that developed into ME/CFS.

I went into a crash on January 25th 2022 after some very stressful events occurred on January 24th. By the Friday of that week I could not stand up for longer than 5 minutes at a time. I was forced to surrender to the bed.

Being that I consider myself a "type A" personality, being in a body that now seems so uncooperative, I've had to process a lot of grief during the past 22 months. I've had to educate myself about ME/CFS. I've had to learn about self pacing and actually apply it. I don't always do so well with that.

I started to recover from this crash on February 3rd- and then we had a very big, "unprecedented" (as they called it on the news) ice storm in my area on Friday February 4th. The electric was off at my apartment for 60 to 72 hours. It was 60 hours that I knew of, but the electric had going out while I was sleeping late Thursday night.

I live in a very remote area with no car. For my apartment no electric means- no heat, no cooking, no telephone, no water... no way to contact anyone for help to get the dry ice at the electric company was handing out or to get to the warming Center in town.

Fortunately throughout the course of my life I had acquired a lot of survival skills- including the know how to empty my freezer and my refrigerator and haul everything out onto the porch in plastic tubs- on the porch fridge/freezer. The temperatures inside my apartment were dropping towards the freezing mark.

By Monday, when all of this was over, when the cortisol surge of "flight or fight" mode started to dissipate- I relapsed back into a heavy, heavy "crash".

This time my inability to stand for more than 5 to 15 minutes at a time lasted for many, many days.

This is PEM. This is Longcovid. This is ME/CFS.

Things that I could have done without even a thought previously (like haul ass and survive an ice storm and Electric outage for 60 to 72 hours) now have severe

repercussions, physically.

It's February 24th 2022, and I'm still trying to recover from all of this. I have to be so careful about "pushing through" and forcing myself to do things- most especially when I feel like I've recovered some energy. Even though I really don't like it, I have to make myself lay down frequently and rest so I don't *stay* in a relapse.

I keep asking myself "Am I ever going to feel like my old self again?"

There really is no answer to this question. And to keep asking myself this question only creates more grief. The only thing to do is keep loving myself, have self-compassion, self-pace, keep moving- and Be Present. Let the future unfold as it is meant to be.

Thank you for reading, and Thank You for Being Here.

Love,

Ursula Carrie

more about PEM here:

Post-exertional Malaise {ME-pedia.org}

{I am thankful for my "type assistant" app, so I could "write" this post 

with my self-expression flowing freely- from My Heart onto the Page. 

I have not edited any of the text above.}

     

      

Japan. (sometimes) Past Lives Create Current Comforts...

January 9, 2022

My Christmas gift to myself. For some reason I'm telling myself I'm going to make onigiri. I don't know how long it's going to take me to get to this project, but I do know that whenever I want Comfort, Japan is my go-to.

*

I have never once been to Japan- in this lifetime- but I had three Incarnations in a row in Japan, in and around the year 1000 A.D. I have yet to do a full Research in my Akashic Record of the three lifetimes that I spent there, but it must have been very important for Me as a Soul to Incarnate there three times in a row. I do not know of any other place to which I have incarnated in succession like this. I was a male in every single one of those three incarnations.

*

When I was in my early twenties I Reawakened to the Comfort that Japan brings to me. It is the only place on this entire Earth that I want to visit, now- and I don't mean just “visit”. I mean spend time, every single season. I wonder to myself if the Japanese that I spoke in those lifetimes is the same Japanese that is spoken today, and I wonder if I could remember how to speak if I listen to it for long enough. I have always had a knack for picking-up languages, maybe because I am simply Remembering them...

(Incidentally, I have never had onigiri, either in this lifetime- but for some reason I just have it in my mind that I need to make it.)

I do have ME/CFS, which is post viral, and it does take me a lot longer to accomplish things than it used to before my illness set on, and I don't eat very much. (I certainly don't eat like other humans do.) I'll have to make sure I just make a couple of them, just to try- and then I'll cross that project off my list and feel satisfied- until the next time!

(The same thing happened not too long ago when I had it in my mind that I had to make vegetable pakora for some reason, and I had to make tamarind date chutney to go with it. So, I bought the Tamarind paste, which I found in my local health food store, and I bought chickpea flour on Amazon. I bought a medley of frozen vegetables, so they would keep longer for me. And I bought dates from Amazon. It took me a while to accomplish, but I did it- and I was Very satisfied. I felt like I was in an Indian restaurant! Everything came out so well. I made my vegetable pakora and my Tamarind Chutney that one time and I didn't make it again- yet. I have yet to make an Inquiry into my Akashic Record about any Lifetimes spent in India, but there is so much about the Culture that has always Spoken to Me...)

I'm not really sure what kind of onigiri I'm going to make. The video shows it being made with tuna, but I don’t eat tuna (it creeps me out for some reason). I have some shrimp in the freezer. I might fake a little bit of Tempura batter with my chickpea flour and make tempura shrimp onigiri. I’m going with the flow on this one.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

To See the Onigiri Video that I found (@tokyo.explores on Instagram) go to my Instagram Post: Onigiri Video It's #4 in the "photos".

Thank You for Being Here.

Love,

Ursula Carrie

My Totems, Reawakened

Ursus americanus. Canis lupus. Corvus brachyrhynchos.

12 of December 2021

I don't know why but for some reason I am falling in love with my totems again. I was born under Bear. My name was supposed to be Jennifer. My mother had a very typical 1970s birth and was unconscious for most of it. She told me that when the nurse finally brought her to me, and she saw me for the first time, she heard a little voice whisper into her left ear, “Her name is Ursula.” Ursula is a derivative of the Latin, meaning “Bear”. (Also as in- Ursa Minor, the Little Dipper.) My Innate Being and most of the characteristics of my personality are very much in Harmony with the Medicine of Bear.

Then came Wolf in my teenage years. Then came Crow when I was in my 20’s. There are other Animal Medicines with which I resonate, however these Three- Bear, Wolf and Crow- makeup the Trinity of who I am as an Incarnated Soul in this Body, in this Earth and in this Timeline.

As my Ascension got jump-started in 2010 with my own Soul Realignment, I began to slowly leave and drift away from the different Earthly spiritual practices in which I had been engaged for my entire life up until then, and I started to Know and Recognize Myself as a Multi-Dimensional Galactic Being.

But, for some reason, just lately (just this month, just these past several weeks) I have found myself being Revisited by my Three Totems. This, of course, has occurred in many different ways that they are bringing their Medicine, and their Presence, back into my Consciousness, back into my Heart. Even though I have Always been a marriage and an amalgamation of Earth and Spirit, which met in my Heart, to be manifested out into the world of this third dimension, it feels like Now coming up on that time where I will celebrate my Half-Century of walking in this body on this Earth, I am being Called, I'm being enticed, to truly Embody that which was said to me back in 2008: “Earth Spirit Medicine: Marrying Earth and Spirit in the Human Heart”. It feels like, for the first time ever in my life, these Three Totems as they are coming to me once again, are filling my Heart with an Ecstasy and a Joy that I have not before known in relation to them. And I am so thankful.

Aho! Thank You. Amen.

So, while obviously I can Never, Ever walk away from the Presence of My Self as a Galactic (Human) Being, I do feel very much called now to posting things that relate to my existence as a Medicine Woman of the Wise Woman Tradition of Healing: the grounded basis from which I work as a Healer in the Soul Realignment, in the Akashic Records.

My Bears, My Crows, My Wolves and I Thank You All for Being Here.

With Blessings Eternal and Love,
I am, and so Remain in this Lifetime-
Rev. Ursula Carrie 

(And thank you to my app- “Type Assistant”- for taking down these words for editing, so I could express myself vocally and freely from my heart…)

A Seneca Prayer for Giving Thanks

🌽SENECA Thanksgiving PRAYER🌽

written by the Seneca Elders

[NOTE from Rev. Ursula Carrie: While this was sent for Thanksgiving, in an email from Fran Russo, the facilitator of "The Cloth of Creation" weekly calls, I feel that this beautiful Prayer may be offered/said *ANYtime*. I do not celebrate the holiday, for numerous personal reasons, one of which is- I believe that EVERY DAY is a day for Giving Thanks... Nyah Weh Skenno🙏 IF YOU CHOOSE TO OFFER/SHARE this PRAYER, PLEASE CREDIT the ELDERS of the SENECA NATION. Thank You. ]

🌽BEGIN the PRAYER:
" And now we are gathered together to remember the Great Mystery’s first instruction to us: to love one another always, we who move about on this earth.

And the Great Mystery said that when even just two people meet, they should first greet each other by saying: “Nyah Weh Skenno” which translates to “thank you for being” and then they may take up the matter with which they are concerned.
[Nyah Weh Skenno more literally means: “thank you for being alive in the here and now and not adding to the confusion of the world.”]

The Great Mystery gave us our lives and requires in return only that we be grateful and love one another. The purpose of this prayer is to pass on those instructions and give us the opportunity to express our gratitude.

So the first thing we will do is give thanks for our lives.

And the Great Mystery gave us the Earth on which to live and roam. We refer to her as “Our Mother, Who Supports Our Feet.”
And our mother gives us everything we need in order to live and be happy.
She teaches us to be generous and nurturing, yet strong.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for Our Mother Who Supports Our Feet.

And the Great Mystery decided to have Plants growing on the earth.
They are available in abundance as Medicines to heal us and Food to sustain us.
And we have Berries which come back every year when the winds turn warm again.
In giving thanks for them, we give thanks for the warm winds that usher in the season of abundance.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for Plants and Berries.

And the Great Mystery gave us the life’s blood of our mother to sustain us.
When the new day dawns, the first thing we use is Water and
it’s the last thing we use at night.
It comes from the springs, brooks, ponds, lakes and rivers.
It is found not only on the earth, but even falls from the heavens in
the form of blessed rain.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for Sacred Water.

And the Great Mystery decided to put Forests on the earth.
The trees of the forest provide warmth, fuel and protection.
We call them our Tall Standing Brothers and they live their lives drinking in the sun. When they die and give themselves for the fire, they represent the Sun here on earth.
One tree was created to remind us of the Great Mystery.
The Maples stand on the earth and drip sweet liquid when the cold wind blows.
Our elders called this “wood juice” — it gives us energy and lightens our spirits during the long cold winters and is a great gift.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for Our Tall Standing Brothers, the Trees.
And the Animals are a great gift – they are our friends and relatives upon the earth.
The four leggeds test us and amuse us; they’re our teachers and companions. And they provide food and clothing for the people.
And there are Birds with outstretched wings who dance upon the air and sing a beautiful song that ushers in the warm spring.
And they also provide us with food.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the Animal and Bird Nations.

And the Great Mystery gave the people another gift, to sustain them:
the Three Sisters: Corn, Beans And Squash.
The people are to take care of them, plant them in the earth, tend them
as they grow, and harvest them.
This will strengthen the hearts and sustain the bodies of the people.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the Three Sisters: Corn, Beans and Squash.

The Wind strengthens the people as they move about on the earth. It strengthens our breath, clears the air as well as our minds and carries the voice of the ancient ones all over the earth so that, even in the desert, the smallest whisper reminds us we are never alone.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the Wind.

And the Great Mystery fashioned a sky above us and put a helper in the sky who moves about across the earth, yet lives in the sky. This helper always comes from the east and travels to the west. His heart is so big and strong, and his love for his relations so great, that he lights the entire sky when he passes by. This light is our Elder Brother, The Sun.
The Sun takes that obligation seriously and with great regard, for he never misses a day of this journey. He brings us light, and warmth and allows growing things to flourish.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for our Elder Brother, the Sun.

But there is also a time when the earth is in shadow so the Great Mystery gave us another helper for this time: the Night Circle Of Light, our Grandmother, the Moon.
Our grandmother is a measure for us up to this present time.
She changes her form daily: she regulates the tides on our mother the earth and also in the bodies of women.
She also taught us how to measure through the cycle of the seasons.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the Night Circle of Light, Grandmother Moon.

And the Great Mystery also put the Stars in the sky while it is dark.
They are indicators and we can find our way by them.
Each one has a name, and there is one for every human on the earth, those living now and those who have passed on.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the Star Nation.

The Four Winds, the directions, are our protectors. Wherever we go, wherever we stand, we are at the center of the four winds, and we want to speak good words to them so that they may bless us with their protection.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the Four Winds.

And the Great Mystery saw that the people also needed guidance so he sent Clan Ancestors to teach understanding of the Great Mystery.
Our clan ancestors teach us how to love one another and give guidance to our minds. They hold great knowledge and our future depends on how well we listen to them.
Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for our Clan Ancestors.

And the Great Mystery, told us this: “I shall continue to dwell above the sky, and that is where those on the earth will end their thanksgiving. I shall always be listening carefully to what the people are saying and shall always be watching carefully what they do. They will begin on the earth, giving thanks for all that they see. They will carry that gratitude upward, ending where I dwell.”

We want to live well to earn that right.

Let us be of one mind that we may do this properly.
We give thanks for the one who gives us our lives, the Great Mystery.

[At this time express gratitude for other aspects of your life]

Closing:

May our grief be lifted,

Our hearts be open,

Our stomach be full,

Our bones be braced,

And our will be calmed.

It is spoken, it is beautiful. "

Top PHOTO: The Three Sisters [Corn, Beans and Squash] from Google Images.