An(other) Experience with The Holy Silence

"I AM The Holy Silence"

"I AM" Affirmation

Offered with Love from,

Rev. Ursula Carrie 

(and The Guides)

Thursday, March 3, 2022

I woke up feeling a Presence in my room- at the foot of my bed, about 2½ feet off to the right, near the center of the room. Very “heavy”, but not oppressive. I recognized It immediately as The Holy Silence.

What I did not “recognize” was that I was being asked to Be with this Presence, to merge, Become At Oneness with The Holy Silence.

I began to go about my normal routine, busying myself to varying degrees with things that needed to be “done” in my apartment.

Then, something very odd happened. All of a sudden I felt an irritation deep in my right nostril. I began to sneeze, violently, uncontrollably. My head began to spin, nose running, reaching for tissue after tissue, stubbornly going ahead trying to “get things done”.

This sneezing and blowing and irritation persisted for as long as I continued to persist with “busyness”. The only “action” that made this incessant sneeze-blow cycle stop- was STOPPING myself, becoming Still, physically, mentally.

It was not just an “invitation” to Be with this Holy Silence, I was being Remanded to It.

I went into deep meditation, the cessation of all Thought, the indulgence of all Emotion.

Just- Stillness. Silence. Opening to the Messages that required me to be in this Holy Space in order to Receive them…

🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠

PEM (post-exertional malaise). Longcovid. ME/CFS. The "longhaul" is really fucking long...

PEM (post exertional malaise)- commonly called a "crash"- is one of the most difficult aspects of having Longcovid, but most especially Longcovid that developed into ME/CFS.

I went into a crash on January 25th 2022 after some very stressful events occurred on January 24th. By the Friday of that week I could not stand up for longer than 5 minutes at a time. I was forced to surrender to the bed.

Being that I consider myself a "type A" personality, being in a body that now seems so uncooperative, I've had to process a lot of grief during the past 22 months. I've had to educate myself about ME/CFS. I've had to learn about self pacing and actually apply it. I don't always do so well with that.

I started to recover from this crash on February 3rd- and then we had a very big, "unprecedented" (as they called it on the news) ice storm in my area on Friday February 4th. The electric was off at my apartment for 60 to 72 hours. It was 60 hours that I knew of, but the electric had going out while I was sleeping late Thursday night.

I live in a very remote area with no car. For my apartment no electric means- no heat, no cooking, no telephone, no water... no way to contact anyone for help to get the dry ice at the electric company was handing out or to get to the warming Center in town.

Fortunately throughout the course of my life I had acquired a lot of survival skills- including the know how to empty my freezer and my refrigerator and haul everything out onto the porch in plastic tubs- on the porch fridge/freezer. The temperatures inside my apartment were dropping towards the freezing mark.

By Monday, when all of this was over, when the cortisol surge of "flight or fight" mode started to dissipate- I relapsed back into a heavy, heavy "crash".

This time my inability to stand for more than 5 to 15 minutes at a time lasted for many, many days.

This is PEM. This is Longcovid. This is ME/CFS.

Things that I could have done without even a thought previously (like haul ass and survive an ice storm and Electric outage for 60 to 72 hours) now have severe

repercussions, physically.

It's February 24th 2022, and I'm still trying to recover from all of this. I have to be so careful about "pushing through" and forcing myself to do things- most especially when I feel like I've recovered some energy. Even though I really don't like it, I have to make myself lay down frequently and rest so I don't *stay* in a relapse.

I keep asking myself "Am I ever going to feel like my old self again?"

There really is no answer to this question. And to keep asking myself this question only creates more grief. The only thing to do is keep loving myself, have self-compassion, self-pace, keep moving- and Be Present. Let the future unfold as it is meant to be.

Thank you for reading, and Thank You for Being Here.

Love,

Ursula Carrie

more about PEM here:

Post-exertional Malaise {ME-pedia.org}

{I am thankful for my "type assistant" app, so I could "write" this post 

with my self-expression flowing freely- from My Heart onto the Page. 

I have not edited any of the text above.}

     

      

Japan. (sometimes) Past Lives Create Current Comforts...

January 9, 2022

My Christmas gift to myself. For some reason I'm telling myself I'm going to make onigiri. I don't know how long it's going to take me to get to this project, but I do know that whenever I want Comfort, Japan is my go-to.

*

I have never once been to Japan- in this lifetime- but I had three Incarnations in a row in Japan, in and around the year 1000 A.D. I have yet to do a full Research in my Akashic Record of the three lifetimes that I spent there, but it must have been very important for Me as a Soul to Incarnate there three times in a row. I do not know of any other place to which I have incarnated in succession like this. I was a male in every single one of those three incarnations.

*

When I was in my early twenties I Reawakened to the Comfort that Japan brings to me. It is the only place on this entire Earth that I want to visit, now- and I don't mean just “visit”. I mean spend time, every single season. I wonder to myself if the Japanese that I spoke in those lifetimes is the same Japanese that is spoken today, and I wonder if I could remember how to speak if I listen to it for long enough. I have always had a knack for picking-up languages, maybe because I am simply Remembering them...

(Incidentally, I have never had onigiri, either in this lifetime- but for some reason I just have it in my mind that I need to make it.)

I do have ME/CFS, which is post viral, and it does take me a lot longer to accomplish things than it used to before my illness set on, and I don't eat very much. (I certainly don't eat like other humans do.) I'll have to make sure I just make a couple of them, just to try- and then I'll cross that project off my list and feel satisfied- until the next time!

(The same thing happened not too long ago when I had it in my mind that I had to make vegetable pakora for some reason, and I had to make tamarind date chutney to go with it. So, I bought the Tamarind paste, which I found in my local health food store, and I bought chickpea flour on Amazon. I bought a medley of frozen vegetables, so they would keep longer for me. And I bought dates from Amazon. It took me a while to accomplish, but I did it- and I was Very satisfied. I felt like I was in an Indian restaurant! Everything came out so well. I made my vegetable pakora and my Tamarind Chutney that one time and I didn't make it again- yet. I have yet to make an Inquiry into my Akashic Record about any Lifetimes spent in India, but there is so much about the Culture that has always Spoken to Me...)

I'm not really sure what kind of onigiri I'm going to make. The video shows it being made with tuna, but I don’t eat tuna (it creeps me out for some reason). I have some shrimp in the freezer. I might fake a little bit of Tempura batter with my chickpea flour and make tempura shrimp onigiri. I’m going with the flow on this one.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

To See the Onigiri Video that I found (@tokyo.explores on Instagram) go to my Instagram Post: Onigiri Video It's #4 in the "photos".

Thank You for Being Here.

Love,

Ursula Carrie

My Totems, Reawakened

Ursus americanus. Canis lupus. Corvus brachyrhynchos.

12 of December 2021

I don't know why but for some reason I am falling in love with my totems again. I was born under Bear. My name was supposed to be Jennifer. My mother had a very typical 1970s birth and was unconscious for most of it. She told me that when the nurse finally brought her to me, and she saw me for the first time, she heard a little voice whisper into her left ear, “Her name is Ursula.” Ursula is a derivative of the Latin, meaning “Bear”. (Also as in- Ursa Minor, the Little Dipper.) My Innate Being and most of the characteristics of my personality are very much in Harmony with the Medicine of Bear.

Then came Wolf in my teenage years. Then came Crow when I was in my 20’s. There are other Animal Medicines with which I resonate, however these Three- Bear, Wolf and Crow- makeup the Trinity of who I am as an Incarnated Soul in this Body, in this Earth and in this Timeline.

As my Ascension got jump-started in 2010 with my own Soul Realignment, I began to slowly leave and drift away from the different Earthly spiritual practices in which I had been engaged for my entire life up until then, and I started to Know and Recognize Myself as a Multi-Dimensional Galactic Being.

But, for some reason, just lately (just this month, just these past several weeks) I have found myself being Revisited by my Three Totems. This, of course, has occurred in many different ways that they are bringing their Medicine, and their Presence, back into my Consciousness, back into my Heart. Even though I have Always been a marriage and an amalgamation of Earth and Spirit, which met in my Heart, to be manifested out into the world of this third dimension, it feels like Now coming up on that time where I will celebrate my Half-Century of walking in this body on this Earth, I am being Called, I'm being enticed, to truly Embody that which was said to me back in 2008: “Earth Spirit Medicine: Marrying Earth and Spirit in the Human Heart”. It feels like, for the first time ever in my life, these Three Totems as they are coming to me once again, are filling my Heart with an Ecstasy and a Joy that I have not before known in relation to them. And I am so thankful.

Aho! Thank You. Amen.

So, while obviously I can Never, Ever walk away from the Presence of My Self as a Galactic (Human) Being, I do feel very much called now to posting things that relate to my existence as a Medicine Woman of the Wise Woman Tradition of Healing: the grounded basis from which I work as a Healer in the Soul Realignment, in the Akashic Records.

My Bears, My Crows, My Wolves and I Thank You All for Being Here.

With Blessings Eternal and Love,
I am, and so Remain in this Lifetime-
Rev. Ursula Carrie 

(And thank you to my app- “Type Assistant”- for taking down these words for editing, so I could express myself vocally and freely from my heart…)